#I hope u understand what I'm trying to say lolol

[chimyku]

Listening to "Chain Girl" by Noboru (it's such a lovely song, especially the -Re Alive- version!) and I can't help thinking that it suits Jelsa so much lolol (I love relating everything to Jelsa). It could be like, a story of their journey before they met each other, you know?! Like, pre-coronation Elsa to fifth spirit, and pre-guardian Jack to guardian Jack.

Read under the cut if you want to see more Jelsa yapping lol

Elsa has been isolated in her room for so long, so this lyric suits her perfectly. I mean, she does know the reason why, but technically, she doesn't know why she had her powers at that point in time (pre-coronation), so I think it counts XD.

This lyric reminds me of Jack this time because I remember the scene where he was looking up at the moon, with him telling the Man in the Moon the least he could do is tell him why he's been brought back to life (correct me if I'm wrong, I could be misremembering XD). So technically, it's like his course has been set by the MIM.

And lastly, these lyrics could refer to them finally finding their callings?!?! (Elsa as the fifth spirit of the Enchanted forest and Jack as the Guardian of Fun).

Lol sorry for this random song analysis I just really love both Chain Girl and Jelsa 😭💖

Link to the song:

With subtitles:

[youuuimeanmee]

ENDOO SHUT THE FUCK UPP

SO U MEAN TO TELL ME

THAT OUR FAN THEORIES

ARE CORRECT.

(endo-san, if you've planned this from the beginning, then a thousand applauds for you for sticking to this plot & foreshadowings for so long. If u were just throwing shit up & rely on fans' theories to see where you're going next, then great job for making it seem so seamless. wtf.)

I still don't buy the "Donovan is an alien" narrative completely; I still think he changed after he secretly volunteered to be a lobotomy experiment subject, to get the superpower he wants to reach a greater understanding in humanity.

Although, if Endo really wish to introduce a terrestial being into this series, then, does that mean Anya's telepathic ability is really born from the lab's experiment? Is she born from the sperm of an alien?? Alien DNA recombination?? Lolol. *edit: this is just me hoping that Anya's telepathic ability was developed in vitro, bc the idea of those mad scientists opening up Anya's skull & cutting up her brain whe she was a baby is just sick beyond belief & i cant accept that.*

I am so so glad to see Fiona in this chapter, trying to extract extra info from Desmond's staff! It really hammers down how incredible this valuable opportunity is for Westalis. Great job Endo-san, for not forgetting to include this 👍

Wait.

Wait a damn minute.

If what Melinda say is true, Donovan can read minds,

Then Donovan must've read Twillight's mind on their first meeting; his fake persona & and Operation Strix have already been busted.

Maybe this is not just a mere illustration inside Twillight's head, maybe this really IS Donovan's reaction when he find out about Operation Strix?? LMAO

Or maybe Donovan can only read minds to a certain extent –not fully like Anya, so maybe he can only get the gist of what people are thinking; so he doesn't know Operation Strix yet, but he knows that Twilight wants to extract some information from him.

(though I wanna add, even if Twillight is from the opposing country, I hope Twillight's sincerity to meet in the middle could reach Donovan too.)

I've known these theories for awhile, but could these be true afterall?? (We're already at this stage, but I still don't wanna assume fanons as canons.)

Then.

IF Damian —at the family dinner— was remembering Anya's confession that she can read minds, and he wished he could read what's on his father's mind too,

Does it mean Anya's telepathic ability is already busted by Donovan?

Is my theory from ch 106 correct afterall???

Oh wAIT.

FUCK I forgot if Donovan read Melinda's mind too, then he must've learned that Melinda has befriended Yor Forger. The mother of Anya Forger. The daughter of Loid Forger.

Combine that information from Melinda and information from Damian that Anya can read minds....

... does it mean Donovan has assumed that Twillight from Westalis is using his telepathic "daughter" as a spy in Eden Academy?

Funny thing is, Twilight himself has no idea about all this implication. He's a million steps away from Donovan.

HAHAHAHHAA

(lol how could I not read this from miles away)

Argh fuck, I'm really worried for Anya now.

This could very well escalate into the "war" of obtaining Anya as an asset. Maybe it'll still be light-hearted, like manipulating Damian's romantic feelings for Anya by inviting her to have dinner together, but still. At first, I thought Donovan might get Anya expelled from school because she's dangerous, but I figure she's just too valuable to be tossed away; it's better to keep her close while extracting info from her as much as he can. Or use her ability to the fullest.

At least Anya is now aware that Donovan has the same ability as her, so at least she can proceed with more caution now.

I hate seeing Anya being the only one aware of the whole situation & she struggles alone to keep it all together — like what she has done all this time. That's why I really want Anya to come clean with Twilight so he can at least get a picture of the whole situation he's facing right now, and protect her properly, but I know it'll massively shift the Forger dynamic we're used to. I have no idea how will Endo handle this development from now on.

Well, that's enough anxiety for tonight.

Stay safe Anya! 🙏🥺🥺🥺

[hpdfag]

You didn’t seem to be feeling very well earlier, so I hope you’re feeling a bit better now!!! I understand it’s so hard to live without someone you hold dear so much, it’s really a struggle that’s impossible to take for so long…I know these are simple words, but I promise everything will seem better soon. With BPD principally, it’s normal to feel like the whole world is ending and it’s time to write the note when you’re not feeling well, but the minute you calm down you forget how sadness could ever feel!! I’m sure you’ve noticed this, so I hope you’re in this second phase now…make sure to take care of yourself and focus on minimising the harm when you’re down, we want you to be as fine as you possibly can let yourself be :))

My clock says it’s almost 3 PM in Cali so there’s still plenty of day left, use it well!!! Wether it’s to rest or draw, it’s all yours :}

- 🧶

thank u so much for worrying abt me ahaha .. im feeling much better now, im probably gonna take a nap and crack open my crunchyroll watchlist so i have something to occupy my mind that won't lead to a complete delusional spiral again. and for sure, it feels like everything is over and i'm going to feel so awful forever, and then im just. fine again. it feels so stupid in retrospect but i've been trying to be kinder to myself :,)

and yesyes thats right !! im back up in oregon now but its the same timezone so ur right on the dot. im gonna try to take this time to rest, especially since i did a lot of processing work during equine therapy. being psychotic lends itself very well to what essentially amounts to horse divination, whatever symbols end up coming up tend to flow into what they need to be for me in the moment if that makes any sense. plus horses r fucking amazing even if they do want to knock me over more often than not LOLOL

i hope ur doing alright urself, and having a good day/night ^_^

[that-queer-platonic-blog]

✦•······················•

NAVIGATION

•······················•✦

Hello!!

I am Nesquik! Though u can call me Nes. I made this blog because I see too many romantic x reader and self insert blogs and I want to spice things up a little, add in some queer platonic relationships (along w more strictly platonic, familiar, ect!)

Masterlists [I'll link it when it's actually made n started]

My account will use the Quadrant System in fanfiction. If you wish to use a specific Quadrant, just ask [although I may be a lil unsteady writin kismesis, I'll adjust to it]!! I'll also use it in my tagging system. Queer Platonic Relationships will go into the Moirail tag [ ♦️quik ], and Romantic Relationships will go into the Matesprit tag [ ♥️quik ]. Rivals will be in the Kismesis [ ♠️quik ] while the Auspistice [ ♣️quik ] will be its own category uncorrelated with anything.

Short Fics: Open

Headcanons: Open

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Some fandoms I write for include:

Genshin

Ouran High School Host Club

Danganronpa

South Park

Miraculous Ladybug [though I'm behind a few seasons, I do have a good understanding of the characters!]

Homestuck

Fandoms I hope to soon write for (once I get more acquainted to the characters and practice writing them privately) are:

BNHA

Black Butler

SGT Frog (Keroro Gunso)

Pokemon

Chainsaw Man

Sonic The Hedgehog

Ace Attorney

Undertale

Evangelion

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

~~RULES~~

I'm willing to write romantic relationships every now and then, but I'm hoping to focus this blog on Queer Platonic Relationships! Other types, as mentioned before [platonic, familial] will also be focused on here!

No NSFW. I've realized my mistake.

I'll do any pronouns if you ask, though if you don't I will automatically use they/them.

What I Won't Write:

Pedophilia

DD/LG

Extreme Kinks [I got a kink blog for a reason. Will I share it? No.]

Incest [if it's a part of a backstory I will include it if it's like a trauma hurt/comfort fic (cough cough Danganronpa) but otherwise will not write it in any case of main plot]

EXTREME Gore [I'm willing to do some stuff for angst. But, like, will I go to extreme details? No. Might accidentally tho but I'mma try and keep things PG-13 or whatevs here.]

No Character x Character [unless it's a poly w reader or background thing like "reader is friends w (ship)" or "reader is in qpr w (character) while they are dating (character)]

No OC x Character [I may write stuff for my OCS, and you can get overly specific within ur asks by all means, I just won't say the name of ur OC]

[TO BE ADDED]

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Most of my banners / dividers on this blog are used from this website from like 2009 and honestly it's a nostalgia trip I high-key recommend checking it if you want a blast from the internet past lolol

[salaciousslut]

A virgo?? August or September!? I'm an august leo so i have a bias. Also only half the shit people say about us is right hehe 🤭

Every inch of you deserves to be adored sweetheart <3 Its cute that you trace them sometimes, i really like your stretch marks. Cross my heart and hope to die i like your stretch marks and wanna kiss them 🥰

I hate how badly i need to take advantage of you, like i think thats why i like the idea of getting you drunk enough to pass out. Its the reason im crazy about somno too. I just need to either have you fighting and thrashing, trying to escape while i force my strap in your pussy and you telling me to stop or a pliant little thing that doent even know whats happening without me taking a video of it <3 I bet we could have one of the best little porn collections out there bc i know you'll be such a good porn star 🥰

Yeah i need to make you cum as many times as i can just to watch your pussy twitch and get it on video, i need that so fucking bad. I need to feel you twitching around my fingers and my teeth in your shoulder right fucking now sweetheart <3

A blue devil cow sounds so cute omg!! I need to hold the both of you so badly 🥺

Valorant seems cool, my laptop is so shitty tho i cant run it :( i also low key forgot how to play fps games with a controller bc ive neglected my gaming console and ive stuck to pc games for the better part of like 3 years. But fuck it watch me loose my temper on overwatch or apex.

I love that we both tried to learn the guitar but stopped its just funny to me that you can relate bc ppl normally dont! Also please teach me abt your special interests and your field of study im such a curious person and i love knowledge!<3

august virgo!! and i loveeeee leos especially august leos sm!! they have a soft spot in my heart. (dont tell anyone but theyre my fav fire sign overall)

god youre so hot. please take advantage of me!!! use me however u want because i want it too. deep down i want it all!!

hehe maybe one day! i have a cute lil video of my cunt too that i watch sometimes because i love it so much!! its soooo cute. if i could make out with my own pussy i would. also please be my guest. i started a orgasm log for every time i came in 2024 so if u wanna add to that let me know lolol

oooh overwatch is pretty too, i dont really understand the game play but its gorgeous! and so is apex, i just get a lil motion sick when i watch it sometimes! but the colors are sooo vibrant

hehe come into my dms whenever ur comfy and i will, i dont wanna say what i do in public but ill tell u everything if u just ask! im a good girl like that 😇!!

what do u do if u dont mind me asking?

[moccahobi]

Do you enjoy neighbors aus? Complex situations where both sides can be understood and explored? With a cute puppy plot? This is the fic for u!

It's such an adorable story and I rly love the mix of plots! Jo does so well balancing three plots and I absolutely love it! The many plots weave together nicely to give us a well rounded and such a good story! I'm rly curious abt Jimin and their drama tho 👀👀👀

Jo has masterfully woven Seokjin and the MC to be complex and imperfect characters. Both making mistakes and acting from places informed by their pasts. Their journey together is bumpy and imperfect and it makes it all the more realistic!

This was such an enjoyable read! Thank you for writing it! 💜💜💜

My live reaction is under the read more.

Omgggggg. What an introduction to the MC's dog!

Oh! A dog run is quite nice!

Rip! No dog poop bags! 😖

Noooo! Not their shoes!

🤣🤣🤣 The song of her people! Love it

KIM SEOKJINNNNNNN

What a flirty guy! M giggling!

Oop--- THE DOG 😭

Lolol. Jin could most def sell a used tissue. Esp if it's his. 🤪

Caught him? OMG DID THEIR EX CHEAT???

Ooof. What a rough morning!

Oh no! The day is getting rougher! 🥺🥺🥺

Hehehe. For puppy purposes. Sure jan. Sure.

Wish he took more advantage of having the MC's # 😏😏😏

Omg the skill! So proud of the pupper for sitting. Lol

Oh? Why don't they wanna see Jin?

Oh no! I hope their dad is ok!

Awwe. Jinnie being a sweetie trying to be the MC's friend. Cute!

Jin's so understanding 🥺

Lolol thirsting after Jin cooking is so understandable 🤣

THE FLIRTING! I LOVE

Oooof. I so relate to the MC's feeling and reaction abt the good news. It can feel so heavy and reliving at the same time.

I rly like the boardgame reference! Rly adds a bit of comedy to the tense scene.

Jin is so caring. I love 🥺

"Any and all babies" OMG THATS SMOOTH JIN

Love the Convo/time skip in the hike! It gives us good flow and hints at their conversations!

JIN WAS CHEATED ON TOO???? THE AUDACITY!

WANT TO DATE ME?!?!? OMG JIN SMOOTH

Lolol continuing the sale metaphor r we lolol? I love!

Love his flirtieness with the jello legs comment lolol

Oh no! Their dad? What happened?

Oh no! Heart surgery!

Oooof! No! Don't tell Seokjin that! He wants honesty! And he cares! He was there for u earlier! Tell! Share!

Omg! He's ignoring them so much. I wonder if he thinks the MC's brother is another romantic partner in their life???

Jin is rly hurt it seems. 🥺🥺🥺

Ooof. What a tough situation. I rly do understand both sides of it. 🥺

🤔 U know. Idk if I'd say he acted childishly. He didn't go into it much but he clearly is quite traumatized and uncertain about his past relationship. The lying clearly got to him. I rly do get his reaction. He tried to set a boundary during the hike and the mc didn't respect that. I also get the MC's feelings. It's hard to share generally especially with new relationships and heavy topics. It's understandable that they were uncertain. Rly reminds me how much we r all just bouncing against each other and occasionally those bounces lead to breaks.

Communication goes two ways MC! Both of you can grow from this fight. N I hope u both do. 🥺

Oh! Love the color association again!

Lolol stay. What a wonderful last word! I love!

Sit. Stay. || KSJ

(banner by @kth1)

Title: Sit. Stay. WC: 14k one-shot Genre: fluff, s2l, neighbors!au, baby angst for a quick minute?, smut

Summary: Your new puppy, Zinnia, has turned your world on its head. She’s ruined everything from your sleep schedule to your favorite shoes, and you know it’s your own failure to train her properly. When your cute upstairs neighbor tells you about a local obedience academy, he slowly starts to make himself a place in your schedule, your life, and your heart. After your last relationship went up in flames, will his affections be something else you can count as a failure?

Rating: NSFW - Minors DNI, i mean it

Warnings: language, casual drinking, a parent is having heart problems and seeing doctors for it, miscommunication sort of, immaturity lol, kissing, mentions of surgery/doctors/hospitals - but everyone is okay!, an argument, protected penetrative sex, doggy style (i mean how could i NOT), fingering, a nanosecond of nip stim

A/N: Written for the Paw Prints Academy Collab hosted by @kth1fics! Typo-check by @oddinary4bts - thank you, Ella!!!

--

You’re asleep, dreaming something plotless - your grandmother, long deceased, is there. It doesn't feel sad - it feels peaceful. It feels like, oh, it’s nice to see you again. 

And it’s ruined, too early, by a long, high-pitched, inhuman cry. You startle awake, heart pounding as your brain scrambles to make sense of the sound. The whine - it’s a whine despite the loudness of it - dies down and is followed by a series of yips and sharp barks. Every noise seems to pierce straight through your skull.

You haven’t slept through a night in four days.

“Zinnia,” you beg, pushing the comforter off your body and making your way blindly across the unlit bedroom, “you have got to chill. You are not dying.”

Zinnia, an eleven-week old chocolate labrador, yaps even louder once she hears your voice.

You’re reinforcing bad behavior by getting up, a voice in your head reminds you.

You know it’s true, but what’s the alternative? Let Zinnia wake up every apartment on the whole floor? 

You open the bedroom door, and Zinnie bounces with excitement in her crate, her tail flapping against the wall of it with a rhythmic thwap-ap-thwap-ap.

You sigh. She’s so dang cute, you can’t even be pissed that it’s two in the morning. “Hi, silly girl,” you say, resigned. She rolls herself in a full circle, going belly up and then back to her feet in less than a second. 

You unlock the crate and watch absently as she catapults around your feet, races into the kitchen, slides across the linoleum and crashes sideways into a wooden cabinet door, and then dashes - unphased - back towards you, barreling into your shins. 

You sigh again and head back to your bedroom for a hoodie and some shoes. Miss Zinnie needs to run, apparently. 

You hook up her leash and grab your keys, patting your pocket to make sure your phone is in there before heading to the hallway. Zinnia zips left and right, tripping you more than once on the way to the elevators. 

You take the elevators up instead of down. There are a lot of perks to your high-end apartment building - covered parking, a pool, a 24-hour gym - but the best is by far the dog run, outside on the twelfth floor. You’ve used it approximately sixty times in the days since you brought Zinnia home. 

You realize as you push open the glass doors to the rooftop space that you forgot poop bags. 

“Zinnia,” you say seriously, “I need you to promise not to poop. Got it?”

Zinnie gags once as she pulls too hard on the leash. You rub a hand over her face and reach down to pick her up, opting to carry her hyper ass the rest of the way to the dog run. You hold the door on your way back in for a tall guy with a baseball cap tugged low over his brow, leading a fluffy, blue-eyed dog back into the building. He nods in thanks and hurries past you. You have to step inside for a second to let him by, his shoulders take up so much of the doorway despite his slender frame. 

“His dog isn’t choking itself on the leash,” you point out to Zinnia sourly. You make your way over to the dog run and make sure to latch the gate before setting Zinnia back on the ground and unclipping her.

“Go, you absolute menace,” you tell her. “Go run until you’re tired. Please, for the love of god, run until you’re tired.”

–

You’ve always gotten a mid-afternoon energy slump; Zinnia’s nighttime shenanigans haven’t helped that at all. You’re bent over your desk, trying to inhale the caffeine from your two pm coffee, when your phone pings on your desk.

Your heart sinks when you see the name of the college kid who’s supposed to watch Zinnia on weekday afternoons. 

“Please just be a cute picture,” you mutter as you unlock your screen. No such luck. The text informs you that, in your absence, Zinnia chewed through a pair of shoes you’d been stupid enough to leave out.

There is an attached picture.

It is not cute. 

–

You get home earlier than normal somehow, letting yourself into the apartment and kicking off your shoes. You immediately pick them back up, cradling them against your chest like they need to be protected.

They kind of do. Zinnia hears you and blasts straight at you, running circles around your legs, tail flopping side to side so hard her whole butt wiggles.

“Hello, silly beast,” you say affectionately, though truth be told you’re still mourning those chucks she’d ruined. 

Ry, Zinnia’s college pal, gathers her belongings and tells you goodbye. Alone with your shoe-destroyer, you sigh and head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you. Abandoned in the living room, Zinnia begins to sing the song of her people.

“Oh my god,” you huff. “Please, can you let me pee and change clothes? It is okay to be alone for five seconds!” 

You ignore her complaints as you do just that, emerging in joggers and a hoodie, and sneakers that aren’t your chucks, since those live in the garbage can now. 

You’d been planning on taking Zinnia on a walk walk, but there are some pretty ominous clouds out there. You pull your phone from your pocket and check the hourly - 80% chance that it’s already raining. 

A quick trip to the dog run will have to be better than nothing. 

You two head to the elevator, and you push the button for the twelfth floor, the ring around the button lighting up red.

The elevator slows to a stop on the eighth floor. The doors open and you spot the dog you’d passed last night, the one with the pretty blue eyes. You raise your eyes to look at its owner, the guy with shoulders the width of the moon.

He’s got a cap on again, but you can see his face today. He lights up when he sees you, stepping inside to let the doors close behind him. He glances at the button panel to make sure his choice is selected - he must be heading to twelve as well.

“We met you last night,” he says slyly, smiling at you. You’re unable to answer for a second; he’s so good-looking you think he must model or something. He’s got a strong brow, beautiful dark eyes, and lips that should be a museum, carved from marble.

“I think we did,” you agree, feeling suddenly shy, completely unqualified to speak to this absolute god.

“We did,” he says confidently. “I’d remember a face that cute anywhere.”

You feel yourself flush, suddenly so warm that you want to strip off your hoodie and maybe your shoes too, just to cool down. Then you realize that he’s looking down at Zinnia, whose tail is wagging so ferociously that she’s almost toppling over as she sniffs noses with the stranger’s dog.

“Is she okay?” you ask suddenly. “Do I need to –?”

“It’s fine,” he says easily, flapping a hand at you. “Blue’s very maternal. She knows a baby when she sees one.”

“Okay,” you say, sighing a little in relief. Being a Bad Dog Owner is bad enough, you’d hate to make a mistake with someone else’s dog in the equation. 

The elevator doors open on the twelfth floor, and the guy holds out a hand, beckoning you to go first. You try to exit, but Zinnia is so obsessed with the guy’s dog - Blue - that she won’t budge.

“Good god,” you grumble, reaching down to lift her, stalking out of the elevator with only a scrap of your dignity. You’re pretty sure you hear the guy snicker as he follows you towards the doors to outside. 

There’s an elderly lady and a corgi in the dog run, and you and the guy from the eighth floor hurry through the gate and latch it quickly. 

Zinnia takes off sprinting the second you unclip her. Blue trots over to the corgi first.

“So,” you say. “You have a dog that listens.”

The grin he shoots you is amused. “I’ve had Blue for almost eight years. You have a baby. A lot of her behavior right now - the energy, chewing on everything she finds - she’ll grow out of.”

“That’s a relief,” you say, thinking of the ruined chair legs under your kitchen table. You’d had that kitchen set for a decade and Zinnia left it covered in teeth-marks within the seven minutes it took you to switch laundry loads. 

He shrugs. “Some of it has to be trained out, though,” he warns you.

“Damn,” you sigh. A raindrop hits the back of your hand; instinctively, you raise your eyes to the clouds. Beside you, the guy does the same. On the other end of the dog run, the older lady calls her corgi over and clips its leash, ready to head in.

“You better pee fast, you monster,” you tell Zinnia, who doesn’t hear you and wouldn’t care even if she did.

The guy laughs quietly under his breath, then whistles once. Blue stops sniffing the ground and trots over immediately. Either his competence is really sexy, or you’re biased by his face. 

“I’m Seokjin, by the way,” he says, looking up at you as he bends over to clip the leash back on. “Most people just call me Jin. This is Blue.”

As the rain starts to patter more strongly, you tell him your name, and then point at your bonkers puppy, who is currently trying to wedge herself under the metal beam below a bench. “That absolute disaster is Zinnia.”

He smiles and repeats it. “We’ll see you around,” he says, heading back in towards the building, leaving you and your puppy in a suddenly steady rain. 

–

You stagger like a zombie to the elevators in the morning, hands clasped around a travel mug full of hot tea. Inside, you lean heavily against the wall, willing your eyes to stay open as you descend. 

You’ve made it down two floors before you even register that another human is in there with you. One more before you register that you know that human.

“There she is,” he says brightly, when he sees that you’ve clocked him, finally. “Good morning!”

“Sorry,” you say, smiling ruefully. “I’m exhausted.”

He nods understandingly. “New puppies will do that,” he says, still cheerful. “Are you crate-training her at night?”

“Trying to,” you grumble. “It’s not going great.”

He seems like he’s going to answer, but the elevator stops on floor three and four more people shuffle in between you. When you’re released into the lobby, he nods goodbye from the opposite side of the small crowd as you make your way through the front doors. 

–

You barely make it through the work-day without taking an illegal nap at your desk, but somehow you do. When you get home, Ry slipping out your front door the second she hears you, you want nothing more than to collapse on the couch and close your eyes. 

Instead, you leash up Zinnia - without even changing clothes first - and head up to the dog run. You figure if she handles her business now, it might buy you a few hours of couch time.

You also wonder if the guy - Jin - is usually out there right around now. He was yesterday, after all. Maybe that’s his normal schedule. 

He’s out there before you, this time. Your hunch was right. You unclip Zinnia and lean back against the fence, hoping you don’t fall asleep on your feet like this.

Jin sidles up beside you and you can’t deny the warm, pleased feeling that rises up in you. 

“Tough day at work?” he asks.

You can’t fight the smile off your face - you don’t even try. “Normal,” you say. “Yours?”

He shrugs. “Normal.”

You wait a beat, two beats. Jin leans comfortably next to you, his eyes watching Blue as she runs happily alongside someone’s doberman. 

“What do you do?” you ask, curiosity getting the best of you. 

He gives you a sideways look that you can’t decipher. “You’ll be disappointed,” he says, sort of like a warning.

This surprises you. “Disappointed? Why?”

He shrugs. “It’s pretty boring.”

Your smile turns a little knowing. “And you don’t like looking boring?”

His mouth twists to the side. “I don’t like feeling boring. But anyway - I’m a salesman. I work at a sporting goods store. I do consultations for certain equipment, but most of the time I’m just trying to make commission.”

I think with that smile you could probably sell me a used tissue, you think unhelpfully. 

“That’s more exciting than mine,” you tell him, hoping it cheers him up. “I spend all eight hours behind a desk.”

He grimaces. “Do you hate it?” he asks. 

No one’s ever framed the question like that before. You ponder this as, across the dog run, Zinnia happily harasses a pair of doodle-mixes. 

“I don’t hate it,” you say slowly, weighing the truth of the words. “It’s just… monotonous, sometimes.”

“So you got a puppy to break up the monotony,” he guesses. 

Now it’s your turn to grimace. “I got a puppy because my boyfriend moved out.”

He turns to look at you sharply, expression stricken. “I’m sorry - I didn’t -.”

“It’s fine,” you assure him. “I kicked him out. Caught him - well - it doesn’t matter. The point is I wasn’t sad to see him go. And I’d been trying for a long time to talk him into getting a dog, so. I gave myself a few months to get back on my feet and then I got myself a damn dog.”

And now she’s eating everything I own, you don’t add.

“Sorry you went through that,” Jin says seriously. You wave him off.

“It’s ancient history,” you tell him. “Besides, I’d trade him for Zinnie any day. Even when she pees inside.”

He laughs at this. 

You stand chatting for a while - long enough for the doodle-mixes to get taken inside, and for a whole herd of dachshunds to come, chase circles around Zinnia for thirty minutes, and leave again, shepherded out by a middle-aged man. Long enough to learn that Jin went to college in the city, has an advanced degree in Business Management that he’s never used, adopted Blue when he was twenty-one. Long enough to learn that his parents live on the coast, that he can do most board-centered sports well, that he likes food and video games more than he likes most people. Long enough for him to learn your answers to the same questions. 

“I should probably take her in,” he says finally, as dusk settles around you. “We both need dinner.”

“Sure,” you say. “I should, too. Zinnie! Zin! Zinnia, come!”

Jin snorts as Zinnia happily ignores you. 

–

Your Friday is off to a bad start. Not only did Zinnie scream through the night, until you caved and let her out of the crate and spent the rest of the night on the couch so she wouldn’t feel lonely, but you break a heel on your way out the door. 

The sudden break sends you sprawling onto your carpeted entryway floor. Your thermos of tea rolls away - thankfully sealed tight - but you feel your tights tear on your knee where you land. And your face ends up almost under a kitchen chair, eye to eye with a delightful little gift that Zinnia must have left you sometime while you were trying to get dressed.

You pushed yourself to your feet, eye your ripped tights and then the clock, and burst into tears on the spot. “Zinnia!” you wail. “I do not have time to go change! And I definitely do not have time to scrub the carpet right now!”

You do both, shooting the puppy death-stares as you scoot out of the apartment twenty minutes late with a blotchy face. You’d better not meet Seokjin in the elevators today, like this.

Luckily you don’t - but that’s about the last good thing you can say about the rest of your day. You get a nasty email from your boss for arriving late, you realize once you get to your office that you’d left your thermos of tea back on your kitchen table after you’d tripped, and Ry texts you to say she’s got a flu and she can’t take Zinnia out to pee after lunch the way she usually does. 

You can’t leave early to handle it; you’re already in hot water for being late. You have to accept the fact that you’ll be going home to a mess - Zinnia can’t be expected to hold it that long, and it’s your fault, not hers. You just hope that, without someone there to play with her, her tiny, baby bladder is the only mess you’ll find, and not more ruined furniture. 

It sucks, and you feel horrible - hoping she doesn’t cry and bark all afternoon, alone - but there’s nothing you can do about it.

When you get home, it’s about what you expected. You spray the carpet, hurry to change clothes, then come out to scrub where the spray had been sitting. You clean this up, and then the shreds of paper towel from the paper towel roll that Zinnia somehow got from the kitchen table, and face the puppy, utterly exhausted and at wit’s end. Somehow, you find yourself wanting to cry again.

“Maybe,” you tell her, as she looks up at you expectantly, “I am just not meant to be a dog parent. Maybe you need someone who knows what they’re doing. Or works from home. Or has a roommate to help. Something. Something that isn’t this.”

Oblivious to your emotional spiral, oblivious that you’re questioning your place in her life, Zinnia lays down and yawns, pink tongue curling and paws stretching as far as they can reach. 

You skip the dog run. You think she probably needs an actual walk since Ry didn’t play with her this afternoon, and you don’t think you can face Seokjin in your current mood. He’ll either be friendly or sympathetic, and you can’t handle either of those with grace right now. 

You strap Zinnia into an actual harness, not trusting her on just a clip-leash off the apartment property, and head towards the river. You detour through the park on your way, hoping the fresh air, exercise, and sunshine will work their magic.

They don’t. You fight back tears all the way to the riverside, Zinnia trotting along at times, pulling the leash towards passersby and random garbage at others. 

Near the river, you spot a restaurant with outdoor seating. A few tables have brought their dogs; they lay on the pavement next to their humans’ tables happily, causing no fuss.

“What do you think?” you ask Zinnia wryly. “Can you be good long enough for one drink?”

You don’t give her the choice, getting yourself a table and tying her leash securely to your chair. One drink turns into two, then somehow you’re working on a third, your chin resting in your hand, a little stormcloud brewing above your head. 

You’re startled when a body drops into the chair across from yours. You reach for Zinnia’s leash, alarmed, and then you realize it’s only Jin.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, at the same time that he says, “You look miserable.”

You stare at each other, not sure who should address what first. 

“I was on my way home,” he explains. “The subway stop here isn’t that far from our place, so I’ll take it sometimes when the weather’s nice.”

You nod, accepting this. Then you decide to address what he’d said. “I am miserable,” you admit. “I am the worst dog owner on the planet. Come see me in five years, I will have one hellion of a dog, and exactly zero unruined square inches of apartment.”

Jin looks at you with an expression that’s both amused at your hyperbole and a bit sympathetic. You don’t know what you expect him to say, but it isn’t this - he leans forward, brows furrowing seriously, and asks you, “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Please,” you say, somewhat desperately. “I will take any suggestions.”

He sits back, the intensity leaving his face. “I have a few friends who work at this place in town? It’s called Paw Prints Academy.”

You chuckle. “Is it for bad dogs?”

He flashes you a smile. “Their secret, unofficial motto is there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.”

“Sounds like the place for me,” you admit. 

“They’ve got it all - obedience classes, experts to run your questions by, groomers, boarding, day care.”

“It sounds great,” you say. “I obviously need some expert help. I’m a disaster.”

“I’ll send you their website,” Jin promises, and then pauses, his hand halfway to his phone. He seems, suddenly, less sure. The tips of his ears are suddenly red. “I… that is… if you’re okay with giving me your number?”

You hide your smile behind a hand. “Sure,” you say, trying to bite back the grin. “You can have my number.”

“For puppy purposes,” he clarifies with a cheeky smile. As if you both know that’s a lie.

“For puppy purposes,” you reassure him, feeling your little stormcloud start to dissipate.

–

Seokjin doesn’t abuse having your number. He sends you the website to Paw Prints Academy, and adds, “my friend’s name is jimin, tell him you know me” and then you don’t hear from him again. You call the academy and get Zinnia registered for obedience courses. You also sign yourself up for a seminar called New Puppy 101. 

Slowly, things actually start looking up. It happens in a trickle, so gradually it’s barely noticeable. You don’t notice - until the first morning your alarm goes off and you realize with a jolt of terror that Zinnia hadn’t woken you up in the middle of the night, even once.

But when you trip over your own feet in a panic, throwing open your bedroom door, terrified of what you’ll find… you find Zinnia lying peacefully on her side in her crate. She begins to thump her tail happily when she sees you, and you nearly sag with relief. 

Things improve for you at work, too; it’s almost like getting a full night’s sleep makes you more productive or something. 

You go a full five days without scrubbing your carpet or throwing away any shoes.

And, of course, it doesn’t hurt that you meet Seokjin and Blue up in the dog run nearly every evening after work. 

It’s during one of these unscheduled, yet oddly routine instances that Jin points out Zinnia’s progress. 

You’re leaning against the fence together, watching absently as the dogs run around, as you have almost every day lately. Sure, you take Zinnia up as soon as you get home from work for her sake. But the coincidence that Jin is usually there around the same time doesn’t hurt.

“She seems way better,” he observes, turning his head to watch Zinnia zip by. “I can’t believe how big she’s gotten, too.”

“I know, right?” you explode, responding to both observations at once. But you can’t help it - you’re proud. “Watch this! Zinnia! Zinnie!”

And Zinnia, your wild baby, stops running and turns to look at you eagerly, waiting. 

“Sit!” you call.

And Zinnia sits.

Seokjin whistles low, appreciative. 

“Jimin’s a miracle worker,” he says. “I’m glad you called them.”

“Me too,” you admit. “Did I ever thank you for sending me their info? Because, seriously, I think you saved my life.”

Jin laughs, full and deep.  

It scares you how much you like the feeling of making him laugh. It makes you want to sprint out of there, with or without Zinnia, hopping the fence if you have to.

–

The next afternoon, you get home and get ready to head up to the dog run. It’s a beautiful day, but you barely notice as you rotely go through the motions - change shoes, clip Zinnia’s leash, grab your keys from the countertop, head for the elevator. You keep your phone in your hand, hoping for a vibration, terrified of the vibration.

The dog run is empty when you get there; normally you’d be a little bummed that Jin isn’t there with Blue as he is almost every weekday evening, but today you’re relieved that you don’t have to try to carry a conversation. You unclip Zinnia, who darts away, and give a heavy sigh, leaning heavily against the fence, your phone still between your white-knuckled fingers.

Your relief is short-lived, because the building door opens less than two minutes later and Blue leads Jin out into the sunshine. 

He smiles when he sees you, loping over and taking his now-familiar spot next to you as Blue sniffs the ground next to the metal bench to your left. 

He’s chattering at you, and you think you’re answering, but it all kind of flows around you. After a few minutes of this, he pauses mid-sentence, brows furrowing.

“Hey,” he says kind of softly - there’s a definite change in his tone, which is honestly the thing that grabs your attention. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you answer on instinct. “All good.”

There’s something sharp in his sideways glance. “You sure? You seem distracted.”

You wave the hand holding your phone a little, nodding your head toward it. “My dad’s at a cardiologist appointment right now. I’m waiting to hear if everything is fine… or if everything is not fine, in which case I probably need to go pack a bag and look up train times…” You trail off. Seokjin is listening intently, his face serious. You feel a flush of embarrassment anyway. “Sorry. I shouldn’t unload on you. We’re practically strangers.”

The crease between his eyebrows deepens with his frown.

“Well, now my feelings are hurt,” he complains. 

You blink back at him, surprised. This was not the response you were expecting. 

“I thought we were friends,” he continues, an exaggerated pout creeping into his tone and onto his features. “I don’t keep a steady schedule at the complex’s dog run for just anybody, you know.”

Your heart trips over its own feet and faceplants in the dirt. You feel your eyes go wide as he puts words to something you’d suspected but had been afraid to assume - that you’d both been coming here at the same time on purpose. Not just you, but him too.

The playfulness melts away with the fake pout, and he’s back to looking at you seriously. “Have you had dinner?” he asks. There’s something gentle about the way he says the words; you feel something warm drop to your toes, intoxicating. “Let me cook for you.”

“You cook?” you blurt. 

He smiles warmly, a touch of amusement in it. Like he’s thinking, but is too polite to say, how much you don’t know about him. It’s definitely what you’re thinking. 

“Come on,” he says, heading around you towards the gate, giving your elbow a gentle touch on his way by. “I’ll make you something good.”

–

Jin’s apartment is cleaner than you’d expected, to be honest. He sets you up at his breakfast bar with a generously poured glass of red wine and gets to work in the kitchen. 

“Is Zinnie okay?” you ask him, looking over your shoulder anxiously as Zinnia sniffs his couch frantically, like the fabric is holding every secret the universe could ever hold. “She tends to… chew. It’s been better since we started classes with Jimin, but nobody’s perfect.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Jin says, waving a hand at you. “Blue did her share of damage to my stuff when she was a baby.”

You watch him in comfortable silence as he dices vegetables, a pot of water heating on the stovetop. Maybe it’s the wine talking, but it’s lowkey pretty sexy how he works a kitchen knife. It’s almost enough to distract you from the churning pit of anxiety in your stomach as you tap your fingers absently on your darkened phone screen.

“So it’s been going well with Jimin, huh?” Jin asks over his shoulder, and you tear your gaze away from your phone and try to catch up to the conversation.

“Oh,” you say, once you’ve processed. “Really well, actually. I think he’s a dog genius.”

Jin laughs at this, lifting the cutting board to slide what he’s chopped into the pot of water. Then he comes over to his side of the breakfast bar and picks up the other glass of red wine, still untouched. 

“He’s good at his job,” Jin agrees. “I don’t know about genius. Did you know he’s secretly a cat person?”

This makes you giggle a little, your eyes falling back to your screen. Again, Jin tries to pull you back.

“Is she following any other commands now?” He eyes you over the top of his wine glass as he takes a long drink from it.

You smile a little, well aware that he’s distracting you on purpose, well aware that you aren’t sure you deserve this level of care from him. 

But apparently you’re friends.

“She’s pretty good about here, and sit,” you say. “Not so good with stay. It’s a work in progress.”

Jin grins at this, something sparkling in his eyes. 

“She’s sleeping in her crate at night, too,” you add.

“Wow,” Jin says, eyebrows raising. “That must be nice.”

“I don’t know how I was surviving before,” you tell him seriously, and he laughs again as he turns back to the stove to handle something.

You chat like this, in starts and stops, until the meal is done. Jin slides a steaming bowl before you and sets up a few sides before coming to take the seat to your right. Zinnia appears underfoot, nose sniffing wildly.

“I agree,” you tell her seriously. “It smells amazing. Who taught you to cook?”

His smile softens, going a little sideways. “My grandfather, actually. Weird, right? He was widowed when my dad and my aunts and uncles were all pretty little, so he had to learn, had to feed all those kids.”

“That’s not weird at all,” you tell him. “It’s actually kind of beautiful.”

Emboldened, Jin continues, the fond smile remaining on his face. “He’s a brilliant cook - we’ve told him forever he should have a cooking channel.”

You laugh a little. “People would probably be into that. Especially if you were the assistant.”

This comes out of your mouth without you realizing; the second you register that it has, you feel yourself blush furiously. And, dammit, Jin clocks the whole thing.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, that soft smile turning razor sharp. “Why’s that?”

You’re saved by your phone buzzing on the table, the screen coming to life, illuminating with the notification from your messaging app: Mom.

Frantically, you swipe to open the message, eyes flying across the screen as you read her update. Then, you close your eyes, pressing your forehead to the breakfast bar, the fake granite cool beneath your skin, letting out a shaky exhale.

You feel Jin; he’s instantly in your space, one large hand resting lightly over your shoulder as he hovers closer to you. Aside from his hand on your back, comforting, he’s not touching you at all. But somehow it feels like he’s surrounding you.

He says your name quietly, inquisitively. 

You reach out blindly, your hand finding his knee. “It’s okay,” you say, taking a deep breath and sitting up. Your head spins. You press the heels of your hands to your eyes and take another deep, bracing breath. Seokjin’s hand stays on your back. “It’s good news.”

You hear Jin exhale beside you, his fingers twitching against your shoulder blade, almost like he had the reflex to squeeze you and fought it just a second too late. It strikes you, deeply, that he’s relieved. He doesn’t know your parents, has no real stake here. But his relief is palpable next to you; your worry had become his own. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. Your problems shouldn’t be his to bear. “I know I wasn’t great company tonight.”

He shakes his head, following your lead and placing his hand back on his own legs, as if wanting to cover the spot on his knee that you’d left vacant. “I enjoyed your company,” he says openly. “I’m glad you came over.”

You sit in silence, both sneaking glances, neither knowing what move to make yet. You feel like you’re playing Chutes and Ladders and a chute just sent you sideways around the Peppermint Forest and dumped you seven spaces ahead when you don’t really belong there yet. Or maybe you’re mixing up your board games. 

“I should probably go give them a call,” you say reluctantly. “Can I help you clean up? You cooked.”

“No,” he says firmly, shaking his head. Both dogs look up at this familiar word, gauging if they’re the ones in trouble. This makes you smile, and it breaks you out of the weird headspace you were in. “I’ll clean up.”

You rise, calling to Zinnia as you grab her leash. You clip her up and head for the door. Jin trails behind you, walking you out. You pause near the door, looking at him balefully.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. “Seriously - for everything. For… caring about my problems. For the delicious food. For cooking and cleaning up. You should have let me do the dishes.”

He smiles at you, sunlight spun into the quirk of his lips, the soft wrinkle at the edges of his eyes. “If you’re that worried about it, I know how you can make it up to me,” he says, his voice a little teasing. 

“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow. You’ve got emotional whiplash; in the last three hours you’ve gone from flirting to panicking to soft to awkward to flirting again and you cannot keep up.

He leans against the wall, crosses his arms over his chest, that smile turning sharp again. God, you like his face so much. You like him so much. “Mhm,” he says, mock seriously. “I found a trail I want to check out with Blue, but as a general rule I don’t do mountains alone.”

“Sure,” you deadpan. “You need an Adventure Buddy.”

“Yes,” he says eagerly, snapping his fingers in excitement. “Exactly. So, what do you think? This weekend? The weather’s supposed to be great.”

“Can I let you know?” you ask. “Text me the details.” Truth be told, you want to look up the trail first and decide if it seems too challenging. 

Jin slips out of that teasing, flirtatious mode easily. “Sure,” he says, all casual again. He’s so hard to keep up with, you think you’ll never get used to it. “I’ll text you.” 

You open the door, tripping over Zinnia a little as she pushes past you into the hallway, but you’re stopped when Jin says your name one more time. You look back over your shoulder, curious.

“I’m glad your dad’s okay,” he says, giving you a rueful smile.

You give a tiny smile back before Zinnia bodily tugs you further away, spurring you into movement. “Thanks,” you say, and turn to go.

–

[9:19 PM] You: idk about this trail…. looking at the elevation… do you think it’ll be too hard for Zinnie? she’s just a baby :’)

[9:21 PM] Seokjin: the elevation’s misleading, it’s honestly not that bad

[9:22 PM] Seokjin: you’ll be totally fine

[9:23 PM] Seokjin: oops i mean “Zinnia” will be totally fine 😏

[9:23 PM] You: … what exactly are you implying here

[9:24 PM] Seokjin: just that any and all babies will be fine :) 

[9:25 PM] You: …….i think we’re fighting

–

Seokjin drives you - and the dogs - to the trailhead early Saturday morning, the low rising sun dodging in and out between buildings as they pass you by. The forecast calls for a beautiful day - bright and clear, not too hot to hike, but not so chilly that you’ll shiver the whole first leg. 

As Seokjin parks and organizes his backpack, you stand next to the car, shielding your eyes and peering at the top.

He laughs when he notices, the sound alive and as bright as the weather. “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he promises, coming close, looking at the top with you. His presence, so close to you, feels thrilling - like electricity, like a promise.

“You keep saying that,” you deadpan, “but if Zinnia conks out on me, you’re carrying her up the mountain and back.”

“Have some faith,” he teases, and heads for the place where the trees split, the path tamped down from many feet, leading into thick forest.

Zinnia keeps up pretty well, actually, and you and Seokjin set a steady pace up the trail. 

About a half a mile in, he asks, “How’s your dad?”

It startles you, and you look over at him kind of wildly. He looks back at you like it’s nothing - like it’s nothing that he remembered and thought to ask - waiting for your response.

“Fine,” you say, a habit. Then, reconsidering, you add, “I mean, the same. He’s got more tests and stuff lined up, but the verdict from the cardiologist was that there’s no immediate concern. So… that was a relief. His primary care doctor looked at his EKG results and said to go immediately, so we were pretty scared.”

“I’d be scared, too,” he admits. “I’m glad you got good news. I would have been a wreck.”

You continue talking as you walk - about your families, your parents, your siblings. This moves into a conversation about things you both remember from growing up, until the conversation has delved into you both laughing too hard to get a sentence out as you manage, “Wait - wait, do you remember -?”

This takes the conversation to old movies you remember fondly.

“Can you believe my ex had never even heard of those?” you ask a little indignantly, before registering that maybe that was a weird thing to say. 

But Seokjin takes it in stride. “The one who cheated on you? We’ve established his poor taste already.” 

This makes you giggle. “Yes, that winner.” 

He looks over at you, as the trail veers left and sharply steepens. “I’m sorry you went through that,” he says evenly. “I can kind of relate. It’s not fun.”

You peer back at him, not sure how heavy this conversation is going to, or should, get. 

Hesitantly, you ask, “Do you want to tell me about it? I don’t want to… y’know. Pry.”

He shrugs. “At the end of the day, there’s not much to tell. My last girlfriend… I don’t think she cheated - or, well, I never had proof that she did.”

“You suspected?”

He wiggles his head, indicating a maybe. “I think it was heading that way with her and a co-worker. It’s possible that I ended things before it got to that point. But she started lying to me about him - about little stuff, stuff that shouldn’t matter. And I just… I’m a pretty understanding, easy-going guy, but I’m not going to tolerate someone lying to my face.”

You continue in silence for a few minutes, weighing these words in your mind, adding this new knowledge to the idea of Jin that’s in your head. 

Then, he flashes you a cheesy grin and says lightly, “And that’s my sales pitch! Want to date me?”

You laugh out loud, mostly in surprise. But he’s still looking at you, and you feel your eyebrows raise.

“Was that a real question?” you ask, a little disbelieving. God, he’s the most unserious person you’ve ever met. 

“A little bit,” he admits. 

Stunned, you manage, “You might need to do a harder sell.”

His brows furrow dramatically. “Please, I’m a catch. Didn’t you taste my food the other night?” 

“That’s true,” you muse. “The food was bomb. I’ll think about it. Gotta decide if this purchase will break the bank or not.”

While you’re just going along with his little bit, it kind of feels like code. You do need to consider if you can afford dating Jin - emotionally. Mentally. Are you ready for a relationship again? Would that even be what he wants?

“That’s fair,” he says easily. “Crunch some numbers and let me know.”

You think with anyone else it would be awkward the rest of the way, but Jin doesn’t allow it to be. He carries the conversation onto the next topic - gossip about your dog-trainer, Jimin - without a hitch.

You follow the conversation somewhat absently, still in your head, questions rising up to stare at you like Marley’s ghost, covered in chains. What do you want? What are you ready for? 

You aren’t sure - about any of it. But Seokjin’s presence feels like warm rays of sunshine, warming you from a chill you didn’t know you had, and his laugh feels like the toll of city bells, telling you it’s time to come home. 

–

Zinnia doesn’t conk out on her way up the mountain, but she definitely slows. Jin ties the girls’ leashes to a low branch near the trail and fishes a collapsible water bowl from his backpack, filling it with water and setting it down.

“Wow, that’s fancy,” you marvel, as Zinnia attacks the water bowl with vigor, water splashing the rock beneath, painting everything a darker shade of grey. “If we’re gonna keep doing this, I might need to get one of those.”

But Jin’s attention isn’t on the dogs anymore - it’s on the view. He’s wandered to the edge of the flat expanse of rock, where grey meets the green of far down below. You join him, and he puts an arm around your shoulders, glancing at you to make sure this is okay. You look out at the view, and it is beautiful… but your mind is too busy to appreciate it.

“Jin…” you say slowly, and he looks down at you, hand tightening against your shoulder almost reflexively. 

“Hm?”

“If I were interested… what exactly are the terms of sale?” you murmur, feeling kind of shy. 

Jin laughs, delighted, throwing his head back with it. His hair falls away from his face and he uses the hand that’s not on your shoulder to push it back. “What do you want them to be?” he asks, and you feel a tingle down to your toes at the dangerous undercurrent that flows along with the question. 

“I’m not totally sure,” you admit quietly. “Is there any kind of… trial period? Any way to start is slow and see how it goes?”

Seokjin gives you an understanding squeeze. “Listen, as much as I love the bit and your dedication to it, I really want to communicate clearly about this. So - just to be very clear - I’d really like to date you. If you’re more comfortable starting slowly, I’m okay with that.”

You press your lips together, reaching a hand up to gently touch his fingers where they rest on your shoulder, considering. 

Seokjin watches your face, then says, “I know a great burger joint on the way home. Let me buy your dinner, and we can call this a first date. What do you think?”

You turn to face him, looking up and up into his warm eyes, and his hand shifts from your shoulder to the center of your back, holding you loosely enough that you don’t feel held in place, feel free to go if that’s what you choose. 

“That’s a pretty good first date,” you say seriously. “But it’s really gonna depend on how the burgers are.”

He grins, cocky. “They’re pretty good,” he says. “But, honestly, mine are better.” Then, he presses the knuckle of his index finger gently to the bottom of your chin and kisses you gently - again, so gently it’s barely there, so gently it would have taken just a breath of space for you to pull away if you wanted to. 

You don’t; instead you press forward, pressing your lips more firmly against his, your hands coming to rest on his upper arms, feather-light. Behind you, Zinnia begins yipping - loud, insistent, each sharp sound piercing the silence around you.

You pull away from Jin, flushing, pleased to see a smile on his face. “She’s just jealous,” he deadpans. 

You roll your eyes, laughing. “Please. She gets to kiss me all the time. She can share.”

Laughing, Jin heads for the dogs, ready to head back down to the cars. “Come on,” he says over his shoulder. “Let’s go get some pretty good burgers.”

–

They are good - better than pretty good, you think, and you tell Seokjin so after a beer and a half at the burger joint’s outdoor patio. The mountain you’d tackled looms in the distance, blue and shadowy.

“I’m telling you, mine are better,” Jin insists. “I have a secret method.”

“Yeah?” You tease. “Taking it to the grave?”

“You say that like it’s a joke,” he says seriously. “But I am.” 

On the wooden deck beneath you, Zinnia lays on her side, eyelids fluttering and paws twitching as she dreams.

“We really knocked her out,” you observe.

Jin laughs, reaching his arms over his head to stretch, the movement causing his shirt to ride up just enough to show a slip of belly before it falls back into place. You try not to look, try not to remember kissing him at the mountain’s top. 

“That’ll be us in a few hours,” he jokes. “I always knock out after a hike like this.”

“I’m going to be sore for days,” you agree, rubbing your calves in anticipation of the aching muscles you’ll have tomorrow.

“I have a suggestion,” Jin says, voice low. You flush, expecting him to flirt, to offer to rub your tired legs or something suggestive. Instead he says, “You ever try epsom salts?”

You blink at him, bamboozled. You just can’t predict him - he zigs when you expect a zag every damn time. 

“I have, yeah,” you finally stammer. “I don’t think I have any left, though.”

“I have a huge bag,” he tells you, finishing the last of his second beer in one long draught. When he sets down his glass he tells you, “I’ll bring you the bag later. It’ll help a lot, I promise.”

You look him over. “You’re a guy with a lot of solutions, huh?”

He coughs, averting his gaze. You notice the tips of his ears turning pink and you hide a smile behind your hand. So cute. 

“I try to be solution-oriented, yes,” he mumbles, embarrassed. 

There’s no sign of that - the pink ears, the averted eyes, the mumbling - when he shows up at your door about twenty minutes after you arrive home. Zinnia is passed out on the floor behind you, having first lapped up her body weight in water from her silver bowl in the kitchen. As for you, all you’ve managed to do so far is shed your sneakers, your jacket, and the tshirt that had been sticking to your back, leaving you in athletic leggings and a sports bra. 

Jin’s gaze sweeps you from head to toe and then settles determinedly on your eyes, like he’s got to work at it. “I brought the epsom salts,” he tells you unnecessarily, holding up the bag. 

“I see that,” you murmur, feeling warm under his gaze. “Thanks.”

You reach to take the bag from him, but he tugs back on it a little, effectively pulling you to him. You trip into his arms willingly, ready for it this time when he kisses you. 

He walks you backwards into your apartment, out of the threshold, letting the door close behind him. You hit the wall of your entryway, let him cage you in against it, his lips insistent against yours. When he runs a hand softly up your arm, summoning a wave of goosebumps in its wake, you sigh against his lips. 

He takes advantage of the opening, teasing your bottom lip with his tongue before venturing further. You open for him happily, leaning back against the wall, reveling in the feeling of his strong arms on either side of you, the feeling of his tongue sliding against your own, the feeling of his hair between your fingers - when had you grabbed his hair?

You kiss him until you’re dizzy, until your legs feel weak beneath you, until you feel his hand travel from between your shoulder blades, to the small of your back, to the side of your ribs.

You break the kiss gently, nearly panting for breath. You can feel Jin’s pulse jumping as he does the same.

You look at each other for a long moment, communicating silently, weighing options.

You could invite him in. He’s here already, Zinnia’s unconscious, you’re holding a bag of bath salts (wait, no, the bag is on the ground - when did you drop it?). But something in your stomach tugs, tells you not yet. So that’s what you tell him, on a whisper, your teeth coming to toy with your swollen bottom lip as soon as the words are out - not yet. I’m sorry.

“Hey,” he says, cupping your cheek with a hand, so soft. “It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting anything. Don’t apologize.”

You glance around the room, desperate for a distraction, but nothing comes. “I, um,” you say, looking anywhere but him, “I think I’m gonna try the salts now. My legs are like jello.”

He gives you a tiny grin, and you roll your eyes. “From the hike!” you protest.

He gives you a playfully disbelieving look but backs off, giving you some space again. “Sure, of course,” he says, smirking. 

You bend to pick up the discarded bag, holding it in your hands, feeling along the rubber zipper. Then, you cross Jin’s path and open the front door again, looking up to find him still watching you.

He gives you a playful smile. “I had a nice first date and a half,” he says, losing the fight against a pleased smile. 

You huff out a laugh. “This was the half?” you clarify.

“I don’t kiss like that on the first date,” he sniffs in mock indignation.

You giggle, following behind him as he heads to the hallway. “Goodnight, Seokjin. Thanks for the salts. And the date and a half.”

–

You soak away your sore muscles and sleep deeper than you have in months. 

Your days continue this way as April’s grey and rainy afternoons give way to sunshine, bright afternoons, trees starting to bud as the temperature grows milder. You meet Jin at the dog run every afternoon unless you text to make different plans - sometimes a walk with the dogs through the park nearby, sometimes dinner out, sometimes dinner in. 

Dinner in usually means more kissing.

Sometimes, dinner out does, too.

In retrospect, you should have known. You should have known that as you fall for Seokjin little by little something else must be coming. Things can’t just be bright sunshine and Seokjin’s laugh, Zinnia’s wagging tail and linked fingers under starry skies.

Your brother shows up at your door, unannounced, almost a full month after your first date with Jin.

You almost don’t recognize him; it’s not that you haven’t seen him in that long - you have. It’s just that he’s still a kid in your head, a gangly, acne-prone teenager with earpods and a scowl. The man who stares at you, a rolling suitcase in hand, is in a suit. He looks put-together, and grown.

You say his name nervously, and he sort of grimaces at you. 

“Sorry I didn’t call,” he says. “I’ve been on the phone with Mom and the doctors.”

“Doctors?” you echo, backing up to let him inside. 

He gives you a look as he wheels his little suitcase inside. You don’t like the look. It says something bad is coming. 

“It’s Dad,” he says.

–

You end up going out to grab dinner - you have no groceries to cook him a meal, and you’re a terrible cook anyway.

Your little brother fills you in - that cardiologist appointment over a month ago had ended with a positive outcome. They’d told your parents not to worry, there was no immediate danger, but there were certainly concerns.

Concerns that had worsened in the following month, apparently.

“They’re going to see a cardio team at the hospital here in the city,” your brother explains. “Mom was going to call and explain all of this to you, but I told her I was coming here anyway. She can focus on them - getting a hotel set up, packing, all that stuff. It looks like he’ll probably need surgery - they’ll decide at his appointment tomorrow. If that’s the case, they’ll stay in the city for a little until he’s recovered enough to go home again.”

You feel like you’re in shock; it’s a lot all at once. Your whole family suddenly in your city, under terrible circumstances. Surgery? Heart surgery?

“I’ll get a hotel, too, if it turns out they’ll be here a long time,” he says.

You come back to earth sharply. “You don’t need to do that. You’re welcome with me and Zinnia as long as you need, okay? Seriously. I’ll talk to Mom in the morning. We’ll get everything figured out.”

Just like that, the toughness drops out of him. Somehow he’d been the one your mom had called, the one responsible for relaying the information, the one responsible for making and supporting medical decisions. You’re the elder, it should have been you. As soon as you take the reins again, he folds, pressing his hands to his face and letting out a shuddering breath. 

You feel horrible, instantly. He’s the baby, he’s not supposed to have to shoulder the responsibility. 

“Hey,” you say softly. “It’s gonna be fine. Dad will be fine. We’ll find out tomorrow what his treatment plan is, and how long they’ll need to stay. You’re fine staying with me, okay? It’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” he says, uncovering his face and reaching for his water glass. “You’re right.” Then, quieter, “You’re right.”

At the end of the meal, walking back to the apartment, you stop near the door and give him a hug, your brave little brother.

“You did well,” you assure him. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

He hugs you back, holding you like he’s been drowning and you’re a buoy. It breaks your heart to think that may sort of be the case.

Neither of you notices Seokjin and Blue pass by, glancing at you curiously over his shoulder on his way into the building.

When he texts you that night, not long after you’ve set your brother up on your couch and crated Zinnia for the night, it’s not entirely unexpected, considering you’d skipped your normal trip to the dog run earlier, and you’d been too spun in circles to text him an explanation.

His message lights up your screen - “missed you earlier. everything ok?”

You hesitate, nibbling at your lower lip as you consider. What could you really tell him right now?

Not really, my baby brother showed up unannounced and emotionally hanging by a thread, and we’re waiting to find out tomorrow if a team of surgeons will be opening my elderly father up for heart surgery. 

Not really a text message conversation, right? Honestly, you’re not sure it’s an in-person conversation, either. The relationship - if you can call it that without having discussed exclusivity yet - is still new, blooming, fragile. Is it too much, too soon? Would you be better off telling him later, when things are settled, when you can tie up the story nice and neat?

We had another health scare with my dad, but it’s okay now. He’s recovering. 

Isn’t that less heavy? Your problems should not be Seokjin’s to carry, and you know he’ll try to carry them. He’s wonderful that way, always doing. There’s something scared and snappish inside you that wants to keep him far away from this until you’re sure you can look brave, until you’re sure you won’t fall apart in front of him. 

In the end you send back, “all good! just got busy. how was your day?”

It strikes you as a little weird that he hasn’t answered by the time you go to bed. But as soon as you’re up the next day, you’re completely focused on your parents. You call them before you’re even out of bed, checking up on where in the city they’re staying, what time your dad’s appointment is. You call out sick from work, glad you hadn’t wasted sick days back when Zinnia was keeping you from sleeping - even though you’d definitely considered it more than once.

You and your brother both go to the cardiologist appointment, you two and your parents squeezing into the little consultation room as the surgeon examines your dad’s results on his computer screen.

Your heart hammers as you wait. You see your mom’s foot tapping, tapping, tapping, and you reach to hold her hand, hoping to comfort her, calm her down.

The surgeon removes his glasses and looks at your father seriously. “I do think surgery is the best course of action,” he says calmly. Your heart drops. The doctor continues, “It’s a pretty routine procedure, as far as these things go. Nothing to worry too much about. I’m confident that a stent will work.”

You lock onto the words minimally invasive, listening eagerly as the doctor continues to outline the plan he thinks will work best. 

“I think it’s best to admit you today and schedule the surgery as soon as possible,” you hear the doctor says, and the rest of the day is a blur - signing papers, answering doctors’ questions, running back to your parents’ hotel to throw together a bag of personal items for your dad, running to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee that has been your only meal all day, more papers, waiting room after waiting room after waiting room.

When you finally get home, long after dark, your brother trailing wordlessly behind you, you’re so mentally and physically exhausted, you could cry. Zinnia waits for you in her crate - Ry had luckily been around when you texted, and came to take her outside a few times while you were gone. You let Zinnia out of the crate and collapse on the couch. Your brother takes the recliner, staring at you like you’ve both emerged from a warzone. 

As you unwind, try to unclench your brain and your jaw and your shoulders, you think to check your messages. Part of you hopes Jin’s sent you something.

But your messages are empty. Your heart sinks with disappointment. You plan to go to work tomorrow; your dad’s surgery should end midafternoon and you can go straight to the hospital from work. It’s another day that you’ll miss Jin at the dog run. You think about texting him with an explanation, but that last message you sent him still sits there, unanswered, calling you a fool. So, instead, you slide your phone into your pocket and ask your little brother if he wants you to order delivery.

–

It takes you two more days to really get the message - Jin’s silence is deliberate. Your father’s surgery goes well, and if all goes according to plan your family should be heading back home in just a day or two. Crisis handled, on the day after surgery you swallow your pride and send Jin, “Sorry I’ve been MIA - family thing. All good now. What’s new with you?”

Not only does this go unanswered - like the one before - but another three weekdays go by and your trips up to the dog run at 5:15pm remain devoid of company. 

Your father heals. Your mother takes him home. Your brother packs up and leaves just a folded up blanket on the couch he’d occupied for almost a week. April turns rainy, like the children’s rhyme says. And you… you slide back into your old routine, sans Seokjin.

You’re sad - of course you’re sad, you liked Jin. He was funny, charming, and so ready to do for you. You’d gotten used to having him around - his windshield wiper laugh, his great cooking, the way he’d carry the same joke or bit with you for a whole day before letting it go, the way the monotony of your day to day seemed interesting again once he was in it.

And you missed Blue, too.

But it wasn’t that deep - not yet. You’re not sobbing, heartbroken, into your pillow or anything. You feel disappointment above all else - disappointment at the loss of what could have been something. 

You really do think it could have been something real. 

You also feel… confused. What had happened? Had Jin seriously gotten mad at your silence for a few days and just ghosted you? You replay your last few conversations in your head, scour your last few text exchanges for anything that would make sense, but nothing does. 

Some little part of your brain niggles, suggests that you’ve been wronged, somehow. That something had happened to you that you didn’t deserve. It’s enough to start just the tiniest flicker of anger, deep in your belly. 

Thursday brings rain - relentless, cold, the kind of rain to make you wrap up in a jacket and tell Zinnia to hustle when you bring her upstairs to pee. 

For the first time since the day your brother showed up at your door, you run into Jin and Blue. Jin is coming in from outside, both he and Blue soaked from the rain. His jacket sticks to his chest, his drenched hair pushed away from his face. He pauses as Blue shakes the water from her fur, and that’s enough time for your eyes to catch his.

You freeze, not sure what will happen - will he talk to you? Should you say hi?

His face, already blank, somehow slides blanker, like something falls away from it and leaves it even more empty. Then he pulls his gaze away from you, orders Blue to his side with a single, muttered syllable, and turns on his heel to walk to the stairwell at the end of the hall. 

He’ll take the stairs, you figure, so he doesn’t have to walk past you to get to the elevator.

That little flicker of anger builds into a flame, and even the mid-April downpour can’t put it out.

–

It rains for days, your apartment cast in grey. You don’t know if it contributes to your mood or if it’s just mirroring it, but you feel grey, too. You quit using the dog run and start taking Zinnie on loops around the block, instead. After her walks, you lay on the couch, cheek pressed against the soft material, dramas playing on the screen without your attention.

Zinnia lays on the floor against the couch, occasionally whining and licking your hand. Sometimes she digs out toys - rubber kongs, plush ducks she’s practically decapitated, rawhides - and drops them at your feet, looking at you hopefully. You toss them for her or play tug each time, but you think she knows your heart isn’t in it.

Later, when you try to remember April, all you can think of is grey and rain.

–

It seems, though, that you’re not the only one who gave up on the dog run. On the first weekend in May, on a day that is - yes - grey, but thankfully not rainy, you run into Jin on the sidewalk a few buildings down from your own.

Blue wags happily when she sees you, but you feel yourself frown, already sliding your gaze to the ground. You don’t want to watch his face go ugly again, like last time. You can’t bear it, you think you might snap. That indignant little flame tickles in your veins. 

You have to pass each other unless one of you turns around, so you grit your teeth and push on. It feels like an imminent collision, tension and anxiety building in you the closer and closer you get - and then Zinnia decides to make it an actual collision, zigging sharply towards Blue at the last second, knocking you off-balance right into Seokjin’s space.

His hands take you by the upper arms, steadying you, placing you back on your feet. There’s something tender in his touch, you think, and then you glimpse his face. That blankness again, the flatness nastier than any scowl he could send your way. 

His hands are off you quickly, and he’s pushing past you, not a word spoken.

That flame bursts from a tickle to a storm.

“Hey!” you shout, the word tearing from your chest like it had to detach from something, burning up your throat like the burn of liquor. Seokjin turns, that flat expression starting to border on a defensive sneer. “What the hell is your problem?”

Now it is a sneer. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me!” you shout, stomping closer. Zinnia follows, her tail down, sensitive to your tone. “What exactly is the problem, Seokjin? I’m dying to know.”

He opens his mouth to answer you, but you cut him off with a bitter laugh. “No, seriously,” you say, that same bitterness marinating every word. “I’m dying to know. I’ve been trying to figure it out, and I can’t. So please, enlighten me. What did I do?”

Your body sings with adrenaline, your chest heaves with quick breaths as your body tells you it’s ready to fight. 

Seokjin lets out a single huff of a laugh. “What did you do?” he echoes sarcastically. “Literally the only thing I consider a hard no.”

You don’t follow. “What?”

He shakes his head, like he can’t believe that you don’t get it. “I saw you hugging that guy,” he says evenly, “and then I texted you to see what -.”

“That was my brother,” you blurt furiously, eyes narrowing. “Is that what this was all about? You didn’t strike me as a jealous, jump-to-conclusions kind of person -.”

“I don’t care about that,” he says over you, tone stoney. “You lied to me - right to my face.”

You stare at him blankly, trying to put the pieces together. He’d seen you hugging your brother, and then he’d texted you “everything ok?” and you’d said… “just busy”. It was a lie, sort of - barely. 

You laugh - actually laugh. “You’re out of your mind,” you say coldly. “You dropped me over that? I had things going on that I didn’t want to get into. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I don’t care,” he says, not cruelly, just truthful. “It was a lie.”

You heave a frustrated breath, casting your gaze at the full clouds above you. “Seokjin,” you say slowly, “you’re not being fair.” It feels suddenly very important to you to defend yourself, to explain it all away - even if he still walks away after, you want to be sure he knows he was wrong. “I wasn’t lying about, like, where I was, or who I was with. It was just… omission. The situation felt… too heavy for whatever this is. Whatever this was,” you amend. 

He just looks at you silently, but you can see the changes in his expression - that flatness melting away almost imperceptibly, making way for something chagrined. You take this as a good sign and continue, explaining what had happened - from your brother showing up, to the surgery, to your family heading home again - leaving your space emptier than they’d found it. 

Finished, you look at him silently, watching him process. Then, everything off your chest, you move to continue on. You feel, suddenly, like you have nothing else to say to him. “We were just casually dating,” you point out as you take a step away. His ears are red again, but he hasn’t tried to speak. “At no point did I lose the right to choose what to tell you and what to keep to myself. You acted like a child when you could have just communicated with me.”

You give Zinnia a gentle tug and she follows as you head back to the apartment’s front doors. You don’t look back; you don’t think you can.

–

Upstairs, you unclip Zinnia and sink into a kitchen chair, head in your hands. It felt good to yell at him, felt good to find out the reason for his silence. You’d made your peace already with losing him - so why do you feel worse now?

You’re there only minutes when you hear a soft knock on your door. You sigh, knowing exactly who and what it is, and forcing yourself to rise anyway. All the anger you’d felt outside seems to have leaked out of you; now you just feel resigned.

Jin’s ears are still bright red. “You’re right,” he says in greeting. Then, he waits, leaning against the door jamb as you process, as you decide how to respond. Blue stands just behind him patiently, the leash slack. 

Mouth twisting, you look at him flatly. “Care to elaborate?”

“Ah,” he utters. He looks embarrassed, one hand still absently on the back of his neck, eyes on the ground. “I owe you an apology.”

When you still say nothing, he continues. 

“You’re right - you don’t have to tell me your business. I’d like you to - or, I’d like to feel like you can - but you’re not obligated to. I… overreacted. And then I was being too rigid to look closely at what was going on. I just…” 

He trails off and looks at you balefully. “I’m not trying to make an excuse,” he tries to explain. “I know I was wrong. I just made myself a promise years ago to never let anyone lie to me again… hoping I’d never feel so stupid again… and I let it… take over. I’m sorry.”

You consider this, foot tapping nervously. “Okay,” you say finally.

Something hopefully breaks over his face; he moves minutely closer to you. “I feel horrible,” he admits, voice hushed suddenly. “You were going through all that, and I absolutely made more problems for you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you say, your voice echoing a little flatly to your own ears. “I forgive you.”

He takes a step back, like the unbending insincerity of your words actually knocks him off balance. 

“Okay,” he says, his voice somehow small. He starts to back away from your door, Blue scurrying out of his path, but his eyes remain on you. “I’ll, uh… I’ll probably be at the dog run tomorrow? Normal time?”

The way he says it, a question, asks if you will too.

“I don’t know,” you answer, even though he didn’t technically ask. “I don’t know yet. Maybe. We’ll see.”

You agonize over it all night. You’re mad - mad that he reacted childishly, mad that he added stress during a hard time for you, mad that he doubted you and judged you and didn't give you a chance to explain yourself. Mad that he let you down. 

But, something logical inside you counters, he’s apologized. He’s taken accountability for it, admitted he’d behaved immaturely. Didn’t people, generally, deserve second chances? Didn’t you want to give him a second chance, regardless?

By the time you get ready for work the next morning, you still aren’t sure. Your stomach churns with indecision all day. When you get home, you sit on the couch, still in your work clothes, and eye Zinnia thoughtfully. She sits and cocks her head to the side, almost quizzical. Like she’s asking, okay, boss, what’s the plan?

You still don’t know. With a sigh, you change out of your office attire and take Zinnia out. At the elevator, you stare at the buttons: physical embodiment of this choice.

In the end, you hit down, taking Zinnie out through the lobby and heading down the street. The idea of Seokjin up at the dog run, eyes on the glass doors - hoping to see you, makes you hunch your shoulders up against a wave of guilt.

You feel like now you’re being the childish one. You know you want to give him another chance. Pretending otherwise just to punish him for hurting you… it’s not a good look, and you know it.

When the knock on your door comes, several hours later, as the sunset casts your apartment in deep blues and shadows, you feel like you were expecting it the whole time. You feel like it’s your own second chance.

“You didn’t come,” he says, frowning adorably. 

You sigh, taking a step backwards to let him inside. He does, the door shutting behind him.

“Why are you here?” you ask; not demanding, not to fight - you want to know. You want to know what he’s hoping for right now, what he wants to happen, so that you can decide if you’re game or not. 

He seems to understand, seems to hear the question for what it really is. He says your name, still hushed, like if he says it with too much force the letters will blow away like dead autumn leaves in a November squall. 

“Well?” you prod.

“Please,” he says, something so desperate playing on the notes of the word. 

“What?” you repeat, hating that your voice is choked. “What do you want, Seokjin?”

He closes the space between you, one hand coming to cup your jaw so light you aren’t sure he’s actually touching you or if you just feel the warmth of proximity. “Forgive me,” he whispers. “I want you to let me try again. Let me do better.”

“I don’t know,” you whisper, but you lean into his touch, closing your eyes. He strokes your cheek gently with his thumb, then pulls his hand away and cups the back of your head, guiding you close enough to press his lips to the top of your head, the kiss lost in your hair.

“I promise,” he whispers, “I won’t fuck up like that again. I want to try again - I like you so much, I want to do everything right for you. I feel like such an idiot for wrecking it.”

“You are an idiot,” you say, and you feel him smile against your forehead before he laughs. 

“Never again, Jin,” you say sternly, leaning back to look up at him. His hand slides down to the back of your neck, resting comfortably. “I don’t do bullshit like that. We’re adults. We have to communicate. We have to speak -”

Behind you, Zinnia barks once, sharp and proud. 

You and Jin both dissolve into giggles, both of you praising Zinnia for following the command. 

When you turn back to Jin, he’s looking at you warmly, eyes shining with fondness. He dips his head to kiss you, and when he feels you kiss him back he tugs you closer by the small of your back, grunting into your mouth when your bodies collide. 

He breaks the kiss and whispers against your jaw, “Let me show you how sorry I am.”

You let out a breathy sound somewhere between a whimper and a sigh, tilting your head to give him more room as his lips go from whispering his desire to kissing your pulsepoint, teeth barely there before his lips soothe the spot. 

You fist your hands in the fabric of his shirt, holding on tight, relying on him to hold you upright as his mouth makes you dizzy. When his lips make it back to yours, you tug on his shirt and walk him backwards towards your open bedroom door. You giggle against his lips when he kicks it shut behind him. 

You’re kissing again as you shed layers in tandem, breaking apart to pull shirts over your heads, kissing messily again as you balance on one foot at a time to remove socks, giggling as you lean back to get a good look at him as he undoes his belt. Would it be crass of you to whistle in appreciation? His shoulders are just... so… wide.

When your leggings pool on your carpet next to his blue jeans, he backs you up to the bed, where you sit heavily. He crawls over top of you, mouths clashing again as he holds himself over top of you. You feel like you’re spinning - you cling to his shoulders, focus on the feeling of his tongue sliding against yours, his fingers tracing the outline of your breast, the insistent press of his clothed erection hot against your thighs.

He kisses you like he’s devouring you, like he’s claiming you, like he’s pouring out every frustration into his lips and teeth and fingers and tongue and they’re all spinning you in bigger and bigger circles, ever widening.

Then the spinning crashes to a halt, because his fingers are meandering lower and lower, skimming your last rib, skating over your lower belly, sliding over your cotton panties and hovering just out of reach from where you want him the most. 

He presses kisses down your jaw, down your neck, goosebumps rising up your arms as his breath ghosts along your throat. His fingers skim your slit over the damp cotton, making you moan shamelessly against the top of his head, but his hand travels back up, fingers sliding up your stomach and back to your chest. 

“Jin,” you breathe, as he rolls your nipple between thumb and forefinger, sending jolts of electric delight clear down to your toes, and he answers you with a low groan before capturing your mouth in another deep kiss. 

You’re spinning again.

Then his hand is back where you want it - fuck, you want it everywhere - fingers sliding through your folds before pushing deep into you. You gasp, but your body shifts to meet his knuckles, hips tilting to let him deeper still. 

It takes you only minutes before you’re begging for him, unashamed, whispering his name around a litany of please and I need you and more, please, more.

He rolls away from you wordlessly, shifting to dig through his wallet. You hear the telltale sound of foil ripping and then he’s back over top of you, lips marking a path from your stomach, up between your tits, past your collarbones, before latching onto your neck as he gives you exactly what you asked for.

The stretch stings but you don’t care, moving to meet him, to take him all the way. Seokjin buries himself deep with a throaty groan, the sound mingling with your own whine.

He keeps a slow pace at first, content with exploring every new everything - every new sound he can pull out of you, every new spot he can touch that makes you arch your back and moan a little louder, every angle that makes you pitch go high and your nails find his shoulders. 

It’s not long before his resolve breaks, his pace quickening as his hips snap into yours, the room filled with the sound of his thighs slapping yours. The tightening ball in the pit of your stomach swells, and your fingers find your clit as you careen towards the edge. Seokjin talks you through it when you crash past the precipice, calling you beautiful, telling you that you feel so good as you clench around him in waves. 

Your limbs feel like jelly as you come down from the high, but Seokjin isn’t done with you. He presses kisses to your jaw, your cheek, the space just beneath your ear. Then, he whispers, “Can I go behind you?”

You nod - words are still too far away, slipping just outside of your fingertips. You can touch them, but can’t pull them close enough to use. Jin uses gentle hands to roll you over and backs up to stand next to the bed; he guides your hips backwards until your knees rest on the edge of the mattress. Still boneless, you fold your arms and press your face into them, moaning loudly when he enters you slowly. 

At this new angle, you feel like he’s somehow, impossibly, deeper, and it’s all you can do to dig your fingers into the sheets beneath you and survive. His pace is slow for only a moment, letting you adjust, and then he’s pounding into you again, hands tight on your hips, pulling you backwards to meet each thrust. 

You can tell it immediately when he’s close - the sounds spilling out of him turn from deep grunts and quiet gasps to lengthier sounds that verge on whiny. You gasp in time with him as he pumps into you more shallowly, barely pulling out at all, as one last strangled, broken sound leaves his mouth. 

You collapse forward onto the bed the second he releases you, your heart hammering. Behind you, he must be handling the condom because when he flops next to you, eyes searching for yours, it’s gone.

“Hi,” he says, smiling. 

You laugh. “Hello there.”

He rolls onto his back next to you, radiating happiness. “So?” he asks your ceiling. “Am I forgiven?”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t erase the smile from your face. Oxytocin is a bitch. “I guess,” you allow. “But you’re on thin ice for a while.”

He makes a thinking sound. “I’ll have to fix that,” he muses, one arm thrown over his head. He looks over at you. “How about you go shower, and I’ll cook you something?”

You twist your lips, considering. “Mmm,” you say. “I think I’d rather you join me in the shower first.”

His smile grows impossibly wider, and his hand creeps to find yours, his fingers lacing between yours and squeezing tight.

–

When you think about May, you remember pink. 

Pink flowers blooming on the trees outside. Pink sunsets as you and Jin walk Blue and Zinnia through the park in the evenings. The pink of Zinnia’s tongue, lolling out of her mouth as she pants happily at your feet. The pink of Seokjin’s ears when you tease him or call him handsome in front of your friends. 

You started things slowly - even slower than the first time; you’re nervous that something will happen again, that this second chance was indeed a mistake. But, true to his word, Seokjin shows up for you every day - he misses no chance to remind you that he’s here, and he’s got a score to settle with his past mistakes. 

As the month comes to a close, spring teasing at tepid summer, you make a decision. You head to Seokjin’s place before dinner, as you do most evenings lately, letting yourself in with the door’s code. Blue is resting on a dog bed near the kitchen, placed there so she can see Seokjin even when he’s cooking and doesn’t feel lonely out in the living room. Zinnia slips through your hands the second the door opens, zipping into the apartment wildly.

“Zinnie!” you call.

Seokjin’s voice carries out to you from the bedroom - “Yeah?”

You laugh, shutting the door behind you and heading to where you’d heard him from. “I said Zinnie, not Jinnie!” you clarify. 

He comes out of the room, laughing at the miscommunication, pausing to kiss your cheek. “How was your day?” he asks, before heading around you into the kitchen, where he had apparently been halfway through chopping some veggies. 

“It was fine,” you hedge. “There’s something I was thinking about today, though.”

“Oh?” he says, looking over his shoulder at you as he picks up where he left off with the chopping.

You lean over the kitchen table, palms a little sweaty with nerves. Below you, Zinnia zips around, chasing a rubber ball of Blue’s, barking loudly as if scolding the toy for fleeing.

“I was thinking about us,” you say slowly, and Seokjin stills, setting down the knife and turning to face you, sensing that this talk is serious. His ears tinge pink almost instantly. 

“Okay…” he says slowly. 

You take a deep breath and push forward. “I was thinking about how I asked if we could do this slowly. How we were taking it one day at a time, not putting a name to it or anything.”

He nods, eyes on you, listening.

You shrug, look away and lick your lips. “I think I’m ready - I think what I want is…”

Behind you, Zinnia’s repeated yaps overtake the room, echoing through Jin’s kitchen. 

You try to speak over her, stumbling over your words. “What I’m trying to ask you is… will you…”

Zinnia’s barks get louder; the ball is stuck under the couch and she is pissed. You turn, calling to her, “Zinnia, sit!” 

The command works. She plops onto her butt obediently, and silence descends on the room like a sprinkle of snow. 

You turn back to Jin, heart racing, to finish your question. “...stay?”

--

Thank you so much for reading! <3 Please look forward to the other fics in the collab and support those excellent writers as well!!!

[ouma-kichi]

Heey! Everything fine..?

I hope! Can you do Shuichi with a male S/O who always get in fights for him? (Like, to protect him 4 bad people) I don't know if you get it, i'm awful at explaining... And my english is terrible, sorry..

awwww babe dont be ashamed of your english, i totally understood it! it’s perfectly fine i PROMISE you !!!! and i love this idea sm aw boyfriends

Shuichi Saihara getting into fights to protect a Male!Reader

Info/Warnings: no warnings really, some cursing bc its me lolol, reader is male with he/him pronouns!

EDIT: OMG BYE IM SO DUMB YOU MEANT IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND AOFJUSHFSKJF I’LL DO THIS REQUEST AGAIN FOR U BBY

shuichi does NOT like to be confrontational whatsoever, but fuck man

he just looks at you. your hands, your eyes, your (gasp!) lips, the freckles and birthmarks and scars, everything about you. you’re just so handsome and cute and pretty and sweet and and and

and he just has this overwhelming urge to protect you

and he’s barely willing to fight for himself, he’s so unsure and anxious but it’s so different when it comes to you..

he’d fight for you till the end of time or walk to the ends of the earth to protect you, it’s like he becomes a different person when he sees you get hurt by someone

if he ever hears someone disagree with you for no reason or undermine your intelligence, he immediately uses his lil detective boy brain to prove exactly why they’re completely wrong and why his bbyboy is right

(this is bouta be so ooc bc i can’t script shuichi dialogue byeee) “no, THAT’S WRONG! you’re uneducated and uninformed, which is why you can’t respond in any meaningful way without making him feel bad about himself. you made your arguments with no trustworthy proof, show me your proof !!” yknow ? class trial type beat

he just. he cant help it... how could someone try to make you feel shitty ? you’re so good and you’re so sweet to him and he’s so happy you’re his boyfriend and HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND WOWOW

his love for you is so BIG, you make him feel smart and you trust him so much, he almost feels obligated to protect you and prove your intelligence

he listens to people argue with you, and he observes them, and he knows when they’re making shit up

it’s kinda part of becoming a detective that, to an extent at the very least, he needs to understand body language. he understands nonverbal cues, and he is extremely observant! so when people are just pulling shit out of their ass, he KNOWWSSSSS

and it gets him into trouble bc he sees all their nonverbal cues

its like his brain keeps going “the uptick in their fidgeting and itching can be indicative of anxiety, irritation, or deception

their voice’s pitch hiked up when they started their claim, meaning their nervous

their volume raised after my boyfriend responded to their argument, indicating their getting defensive

their eyes keep flicking from him to the floor during important parts of their argument, common unconscious behavior of lying”

and fuckkkkk if he knows this bitch is lying why would he NOT point it out? why would he NOT fight for you????

so he just says EVERYTHING, not because he’s not thinking, but because he’s thinking so much and so fast

and it makes you kinda nervous bc what if !! someone gets super mad at him !! and tries to hurt him not even just verbally but physically !! you get super super scared for your lil boyfie bc what r u gonna do if he gets into a fistfight !!!!!!!!!

but he just keeps reassuring you that he’ll be okay, and that he can’t let you get hurt by some fuckin idiot like that ! you’re both flattered and anxious bc wow this guy REALLY LOVES ME hes willing to fight for me but... oh god hes willing to FIGHT FOR ME.....

his stupid gay ass just cares so much for you, he could never watch you be sad bc it would just make him so upset !!!! so he tries !! everything in his power !! to make sure !!! you never get hurt !!!!!!!

so he keeps fighting people with no remorse

so he can make sure his boyfriend and his baby and his love and his darling and his honey never feels unsure or unsmart

don’t worry lil babie bc shuichi will fight for you, not with fists but with his argumentative skills and psychological observations !

[nameless-shrimp]

heyo shrimpy!! sorry for the late response,, i got busy with exams lolol first, how are you today? :D Is anything good happening to you? enjoy your vacation btw, i hope you have a lot of fun! ^^ second, hmm finding your artstyle? that sounds even more challenging than improving for me, ngl hh- I don't know why but reading your answer made me think of a chibi dazai eating a nice burger... sounds cute,, I'm sure your drawing turned out amazing :D it's always a bliss noticing your art getting better, makes me want to draw more ^^ somehow, you drawing in a cuter art style makes you more adorable,, lovely doodles filling the empty pages,,,,

imagine dazai catching you doodling him with cute little hearts around the page,, and as his lips curved upwards a mild shade of pink dusts his cheeks, admiring you a little bit more before walking towards you quietly, wrapping his arms around your neck from behind. your frame stilled against his loving embrace, the pencil in your hand dropping on the concrete desk, your lover's lips close to your ears... his warm breath hit the back of your ear, kissing it in the process.

"I didn't know you drew me so much, gioia mia~¹" his sweet, teasing voice gently made its way into your eardrum, with you shivering afterward. his soft, umber locks brushed against your tender skin, the warm temperature his body radiated comforting you. your cheeks were probably red by now, and you were certain he already noticed. after all, when does he not?

clearing your throat, you comfortably positioned yourself, closing your eyelids slowly before speaking.

"u-uh, yeah. I, uhm-"

"and they're so well done, my darling! I assumed you were an artist since you always brought a notebook and pencil with you, even in our workplace, but I didn't expect you to draw me... I am flattered, my belladonna~ your artstyle mirrors the way you are... cute!~" your brain couldn't take in his words, and yours were stuck in your throat. all that was left was a stuttering mess whilst you shakingly turned around, with your lover chuckling at your adorable reaction.

dazai could now definitely see how your cheeks gained color, the redness painting them well. noticing your alerted gaze and trembling, he raised his hand to hold your warm cheek, caressing it with his thumb. although your quivering didn't cease, he took a note of how your eyes widened for a second before calming again. his smile broadened as you leaned into his touch, your timid orbs avoiding his loving ones. unfortunately for you, he had other ideas in mind.

and so, he leaned closer.

your eyes snapped back at him, his nose almost touching yours. a small gasp escaped you as you attempted to form a sentence, but failed to do so. the man in front of you only beamed at your reaction, his heart melting at how adorable and lovely you were. he was truly fortunate to have a loving, caring, understanding partner such as you.

he really loved you and cherished you with all of his soul.

"osamu! y-you're-" and before you could say anything else, the brunette gave you one last loving look before closing his eyes...

and placed his lips against yours.

your eyes bulged out from your sockets as a small shriek left your throat, but was immediately muted by your beloved's kiss. your flustered state couldn't comprehend what was happening, but the warmth of your chest was so overwhelming, you couldn't help but hastily press your lips back against his, tightly closing your eyelids to enjoy the moment more...

smirking, dazai stopped for a brief moment while you whined in protest, but he quickly soothed you while shifting his hands to grip your chair, gently twisting it around. you opened your eyes again to understand what he was doing... and regretted it as soon as you saw his smug look, while he caged you between him and your chair. you glanced around stunned, the dulcet shade of rosé overlapping your already flustered profile. shakingly, you looked up and met his calmer and haughty orbs again, making you gulp as your heart rammed in your chest.

his smooth, defined face was all you could see, and if it wasn't for your panicking mind, you were sure you could observe him for hours. you felt so open under his narrow, shadowy, russet orbs as if you were an interesting book he was very invested in. that fierce, intense way he observed you with, only made you shyer, and you shrank on your chair... which wasn't the best move, you thought, since he cornered you more than before, and all you could do was watch him from below, too red to do or say anything.

his low chuckle reverberated through the room, and a small drop of sweat rushed down your embarrassed face as he towered over you, devouring all of your sweet, lovable expressions. his smirk widened as your pupils shrank, bending down to your level once more. he tremendously wanted to pick you up and place you on the king-sized bed, while you desperately clung onto him and whispered his name, trying to evade his all-seeing gaze... but held himself back to tease you more.

after all, you looked so delicious right now...

"o-osamu..." your needy, wobbly voice brought him back from his little daydream, shaking off any other thoughts he had in mind... all that mattered now was you. humming, he got closer to you, both of your faces millimeters away. if he was trying to kill you, he was doing a great job at it. the smile never left his mouth, and you could feel the confidence seeping through him... his breath hit your lips as he exhaled making you freeze on the spot.

"hmmm? what is it, my dear? do you perhaps need something?" he asked, already knowing what you wanted and needed. but hearing you spell it out for him... it was a bliss.

you nervously exhaled, feeling the warmth in your cheeks rise as if you weren't blushing enough. not brave at all to face him head-on, you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, looking down as you did so. dazai screamed internally at the cuteness with all the courage you had, you shyly told him...

"p-please osamu, i-i need you..." and that was all he needed. chuckling, he stared at you with a wolfish grin, pleased to hear those words coming out of your lips.

"then... let me take care of you, amore mio~²"

your sketchbook was long forgotten that night, but dazai did make you "sing" some sweet songs for him...

¹ = means my joy in Italian, the ask from Sofi sparked something within me 😶 dazai giving you Italian pet names sounds perfect-

² = my love, once again, in Italian- hh

okay i got too carried away 💀 ANYWAY THANKS FOR NOT READING THE ONE I SENT BEFORE HH SORRY AGAIN, PLEASE ENJOY YOUR DAY AND KEEP ON DRAWING UR ART CUTE AF

first of all, my vacation is going well! i enjoyed going out and riding some rides, plus took a nice shower and now i am relaxing in my bed, hehe.

second, it's truly a bliss to see my own artwork improve over time! it makes me extremely happy. also, i love the idea of dazai eating a burger, that's adorable. i have been wanting to doodle dazai a lot lately; probably cause he's just so adorable to me and he's absolutely breathtaking, hehe. it's nice to fill up the empty pages and just letting your mind flow as you draw.

third... OH MY GOD. READING ALL THAT WHEN I WAS IN LINE FOR MY RIDE MADE ME SO FLUSTERED UNDERNEATH MY MASK. AND REREADING IT ALL OVER AGAIN MAKES ME SO ASFJFSOXMSK 😳🥺💘 it was so, so sweet of you to write all that! please, dazai speaking pet names in another language truly sounds like him. not to mention, the fact that he was so flirty and he's such a tease from how you portrayed him, my heart is fluttering. and the very end though. oh my. 🥰🙈 goodness that really made me so blushy, hahaha.

thank you for taking your time to write that. it always warms my heart to read these and wow, omg, you just really wanted to fluster me today, did you? ASHFIAOZNA thank you so much for this. my heart... i have no words. it just made my day so much better too, haha. bless your kind soul, i loved reading it all 😭🤍

[cosmictulips]

Good time, it's very nice to know you exist 🍵🛶🏰🪔🍯🍯🍯 I'm 18, T, libra sun, leo moon, cap ris. if u could help, that'd be a big thank you

recently I've been feeling kinda shut off from any type of spirituality, universe, can't trust my own mind because i don't want to make things up and go with a lie, not imagination play - a terrible lie to oneself. so, i can only trust others. been asking for a clear sign that i wouldn't doubt for as long as i can remember, and nothing... am i tryna knock on the door that wasn't meant for me? then i don't understand anything. i feel left out of my own life. i try pulling out any advice, but then, my intuition may be just wishful thinking. nothing i ever do comes as i intend. I've let go of logic, of expectations, but it feels like a one way communication. can't remember dreams. locked out of everything and losing hope. i don't think it's a wall i made. i don't want to make up a voice in my head, it is my biggest fear, i want to actually hear one.

so, one question - why am i being unanswered?

pun unintended

thank you in advance, you're very kind.

have a wonderful weekend, and every weekend some good news

Hey Friend =) I truly hope other people see this ask too because I think your ask is very important.  so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of get personal with you.  Truth be told,  I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently.  it’s happened when I was first starting out with the Craft -as I like to call it -  and it happens from time to time.  even now.  these past two weeks have been a wreck for me and it really feels like I haven’t been heard by the universe.  No, not heard.  I’ve been heard.  but to me, it feels like I’ve been deemed unworthy.   

And especially with divination,  reading for myself has always been wrong.  which is why I no longer trust reading for myself.  and I don’t particularly trust it when people say they read for themselves. because too me, how do you know you’re not lying to yourself? I always, always tell people to be careful because the universe can and WILL tell you what you want to hear.  it’s hard approaching divination with a very unbiased, neutral head.  and it’s kind of why I’ve fought some people over their readings.  people only ever project to others and to the univeres what they want. so if I or you were to tell them otherwise, it’s wrong. 

So you’re right to take a step back if it doesn’t feel right to you.  and here’s where I’m going to start contradicting myself a little bit here.  You need to start trusting yourself.  fully, undoubtedly and ruthlessly.  trust yourself so much that people almost think you’re full of arrogance.  and that’s the key word, almost. Be open minded enough to new ideas and to change the way you think of things.  but always, always trust yourself to know what is best for you. Only YOU are going to know the best route to take for yourself. 

I started being answered when I started trusting the guidance that was coming in for me.  I started to notice the little signs at first.  Notice any repeating numbers?  colors?  any certain phrases you hear too often? read too often?  is there an animal or group of animals that tend to show up at odd places?  slowly start to take notice of these things.   Also,  truly dig deep into what you believe in.  if you want to get into spirituality,  ask yourself why. what is it that you believe that matches that.   I got into it because I felt so alone in a church and no one was listening.  and for awhile, I was thrown in circles the minute I opened myself up to the universe.  but instead of blocking it out,  I kept pushing.  I kept trying to see the pattern, and I kept trying to change it. 

and that could be what’s happening for you.  I know you said that you think it’s not a wall you built. but darling, it is.   I think it comes from a fear you’re not ready to recognize yet.   it could be the fear of the unknown, it could be a fear of failure,  but you’ve built a wall.  

Spirituality is made for everyone.   It’s okay to have blocks,  to doubt your abilities and be unsure of whether or not the universe actually hears you.  the universe brought you to me.  so obviously it hears you.  =) 

but you cannot hear it and I think that’s what needs to change.  

So let me give you some advice on what I do when I begin to feel these blocks. like I have been recently. 

1. I pray to my gods.  you don’t have to be into worshiping gods.  you can simply pray to the universe like I did and still do from time to time.  You’ll know it’s listening when you feel the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze of the wind.  perhaps you’ll see an animal or two ;) my sister is a good example of this, she sees dogs everywhere when she’s looking for a sign from the universe lol.  2. I turn to divination.  My readings for myself may not be true but it’s good practice.  I also turn to other forms to try to grow in those skills as well.  Runes, bindrunes, automatic writing,  etc there’s SO MANY divination techniques.  tarot may not be your thing but scrying might be.  look around and see what fits.

3. I play hertz music.  I find that music really helps me out lol.  hertz is juts frequency waves set to a certain wave length so parts of ... our... ... so like our energy can pick up on it.  there’s a better explanation for it but for me, it really helps lol  4. I keep pushing.  even when it feels like I’m not being answered, and sometimes you won’t be answered. that’s the thing.  the universe wants you to better yourself. and to grow.  and sometimes that means trusting yourself to know where to go because it won’t give you an answer.  be brave, and go forward. 

I’ll go more into what I want you to do, but let me pull out your cards first so you finally have a reading lolol.  

So for you I pulled the Lovers, Strength, The Sun and the Knight of Pentacles. with the Ace of Cups as the overall energy. 

so it’s really what I’ve been saying lol.  The knight of pentacles here is telling me to move slowly.  it’s okay that things don’t make sense to you right off the bat.  Patience is a virtue here.   Going into your craft, your practice,  it’s okay to question things.  spirituality is a lot different than most religions so coming from a different place and settling into a new one can be tough.  it requires a lot of change.  and that tends to scare some people.  Ya know?  we’re all so used to hearing different things -mostly bad-  about sprituality and how it’s all “fake”  but darling,  dipping your toes in and slowly breaking the surface is how everyone starts out.  Once you get comfortable with the idea and with your own intuition the fun will begin. 

Next you have the Lovers, Strength and the Sun.  This is telling me you need to let yourself love.  bring courage and strength into this.  It’s going to take you loving yourself,  being confident in yourself and going forth even if it seems fake.  does that make sense?  You might have a mental illness. I’ve got some strong anxiety that borders on paranoia.   Okay,  but in my heart of hearts I knew this was the call for me because I’ve seen too much shit to not believe spirituality wasn’t my path.  so I forced myself to be more confident in my abilities.  I forced myself to be open to the universe even if it felt like I was talking to a wall.  I forced myself to sit down and learn divination and kept a dream journal even if most nights there was nothing but darkness.

and you need to bring that to yourself.  if you are serious about this,  learn to open yourself to the universe.  In the beginning I had to lie to myself.  it’s just what it is.  but the more I connected to the universe,  and the more I began to trust my intuition,  the more the lying ceased to happen.  because suddenly it was true.  suddenly those signs told me I was on the right path.  and suddenly everything I was studying made sense.  given time it will make sense for you as well. 

People, including me,  are telling you what you already know.  You just don’t trust yourself to hold onto those words.  you don’t trust yourself enough to put that same love into you and out into the universe.  and maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt.  being vulnerable to the universe does mean that sometimes we go through rough patches.  we have to break old cycles for new ones to begin. but much like the Lovers,  once you make that choice to love and be loved,  you will shine. 

The ace of cups tells me there is something new coming for you.  but you have to choose to let it happen okay?  you have to stop thinking you’re not good enough and that you’re not being heard.  because you are... because you’re here talking to me ;)   the universe wouldn’t have sent you to me if that wasn’t the case.  and I think a part of you knows that. 

so here’s what I want you to do.  Take the first steps.  Start keeping a dream journal.  the only way we as humans can recall our dreams is if we’re actively thinking of them when we first wake up.  that means no media ;)  lay there and think about what you dreamed.  Like last night I had a dream I set the house on fire and was crying that I lost a textbook.  idk, it was weird lol.  dreams don’t have to make sense.   write them down.  keep a glass of water by your bed. for some reason it helps. 

If you’re gonna sit there and tell me but you’ve tried everything, try again ;) try it from a new perspective.  instead of going in all “this is going to fail”  think of it as “this has already worked once and I’m doing it again to better myself”  

let your confidence shine.  I had to lie to myself everyday until I finally believed I was a decent human being.  I still struggle with it but damn have I gotten noticed by more people who tell me that I literally shine like the sun.  people notice your changes.  some of us just won’t say it ;) that being said, be prepared to fight for your beliefs. 

Learn what your beliefs are. Learn to defend them.  because the universe does not take this journey lightly.  the minute you start to doubt that you’re ever made for this, is going to be the second it closes on you until you force yourself to try again.  much like how we’re both in this spot now ;) trust and KNOW that the universe wants what is best for you.  

Tap into your higher self and your shadow self.  work on what needs to be healed and what your higher self wants for you to do.  this could literally be anything from getting therapy, to doing art, to listening to music, to talking to people who have hurt you.  like it’s endless but it helps.  

Lastly,  understand that these things take time.  You have some major energy wanting to work with you.  you need to start trusting yourself more, and letting down that wall. you built it, you can destroy it.  

I don’t hear a voice telling me which way to go.  I get feelings.  very strong ones.  that I’ve had to learn are different from my anxiety.  In the beginning that meant I had to pretend to ignore the feeling to see what the reaction would be.  when something happened and I knew it was going to happen,  I knew what I had felt was my intuition. 

Learn to recognize what is your instinct and what is your intuition. my instinct is that my hands get a little shaky and I can’t stop moving around.  my intuition keeps me still.  it’s quick and alert.  for you it could be something different.  you might actually hear a voice.  

I’m willing to work with you if you want me to.  I’ve been in that exact same situation and form time to time I feel the same way.  it’s never about the destination, it’s always the journey.

You’ve got this.  You know you do.  break down the wall,  and come join us ;) I hope this helps sorry for the long.... long post lmao If you ever need anything, please reach out =) 

[kennythecarrot12]

I’m Leaving

Taken from one of my stories in AO3, maybe someone on this site might enjoy this. 

-

Ever since Jumin and I came back from our honeymoon, I thought everything would change.

I mean, those days left at the resort were heaven. I spent so much time with my husband, it felt like a dream.

….was it?

We got back, and he got triple the work he usually got. Many businesses, contracts, projects, and deadlines were coming up and it felt like I was being pushed aside.

“Jumin, dear, I thought we could go out and see-” I try to say. “Not tonight, MC, I've got to work until late today. The office has been chaotic as of late. I'll be back later.”

And with that, he was gone. It's been this way for months.

I don't think I can live like this.

Because you don't listen to what is so close to you,

Only the outside noise

And I that I'm by your side disappear from your eyes

But… I wasn't helping either.

During his day off, he asked me:

“MC,” I turn to him on the bed. He stared at my eyes. “I was thinking we could go out and look for a new dress for yourself. Seems that you're in need for one.” I narrowed my eyes.

“I already made plans.” He seemed confused. “Which I've already told you. Two days ago.” I turn back to my side of the bed. “I told you I was going out with Yoosung to the park with his cat. You even told me,” I clear my throat. “Alright. Have fun.” I try to imitate his voice.

He only stares at me. I feel his body leave the bed, and I sit up to see where he's going.

He goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. I jump at the sudden noise.

After getting up and dressing up, I see him with his suit on and suitcase in hand.

“I thought it was your day off?” I ask before he heads out the door.

“I have plans now too.” and with that, he leaves before I can answer.  

I'm not going to cry and say I don't deserve this,

Because it's probably that I deserve this but-

That day, I decided to cancel my meeting with Yoosung.

“Are you feeling alright, MC? You've never canceled on me… or anyone actually.” he says over the phone.

I sigh. “yeah, sorry Yoosung. I'm just… not in the mood, ya know?” I say. I felt bad for canceling on him but… I couldn't bear myself faking a smile when i felt rotten inside.

“Alright, but call me if anything comes up! You know you can count on me for anything!” I smile and nod, as if he could see me. “you bet.” and with that I hung up.

Jumin has been even more distant from that day on. He left on more overnight trips than usual, almost like he was asking for it.

I usually called Yoosung or Seven when I was feeling down, as they knew how to cheer me up easily. But I stopped calling.

I wanted to leave.

Leave this worthless life, being a wife that is not even loved.

Being a member in the RFA that didn't deserve their friendship.

--But I don't want It,

And that's why I leave

I began thinking about this a lot.

It would be best to leave. Jumin would be better off.

Before I knew it, I was sending letters to each of the RFA members. I thought it would be better to also send little things that remind me of them.

I told Yoosung that I was sorry for this, that I never meant to say goodbye this way. I kept thinking of my last words to him… but I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried. In his package, I gave him LOLOL plush toys, of his and my avatars.

To Seven… I now knew what it would be like to run away from family. And that I was sorry I was doing it to him again. I wished him happiness. I gave him a cat plush toy with the words “God Seven” sewn into it.

To Zen… I wished him success in his career and that I would be watching him succeed. I truly appreciate him. I gifted him multiple face masks of his favorite and a copy of our first selfie together.

I wrote to Jaehee how I regret not spending as much time with her, as she was always busy because of Jumin. ‘I always begged Jumin to give you days off.’ I gifted her a coffee machine with her favorite type of coffee in it. I also gave her a poster of Zen.

To V…. I actually recorded to him. I knew he was losing his eyesight and was refusing treatment.  I gifted him a photograph I took of him with his camera when Jumin and I came over. It was a picture of him looking at the sky.

“Hey, V. I um… I decided to leave. Leave RFA and… to leave Jumin. It's just… not been okay for me. I felt unloved. Lonely. I even…” I chuckled. “I even wanted to escape forever without telling anyone… the only difference here is that I'm saying goodbye.” I inhaled. “You will all hate me for leaving so suddenly, but… I hope you understand, V. You know… knew… Jumin the best. You know how he is,” I smiled. “He is perfect in my eyes…” a tear escaped my eye but I quickly wiped it off my face.

“But even perfection has flaws. I wasn't happy by his side. Don't get me wrong, we were okay for a while but… I was too lonely and too neglected. I just hope you can forgive me.” I give a sad smile and turn off the camera.

I send the tape to V’s home to arrive the day the letters will arrive to the other members.

The last one is Jumin.

Because I know that something better waits for me,

That which sweetens salt, and makes the sun come out

Me, that thought I would never leave you, 

that this love was good and for life, 

but today I understood that there isn't enough for both of us.

I went to a lawyer and got the divorce papers. It was easy to move around since Jumin was never around.

The bad thing was paying people off to be quiet about my whereabouts.

Except to Driver Kim. He asked where I would like to go, no questions asked. I trusted him.

Eventually, I got home with the papers ready and signed from my part.

I wrote to him now.

“Dear Jumin,

It's been a hard year. You've been away so long, and I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you this in your face, but I knew that once I told you this, you would convince me to stay. I can't do that anymore. On the bed, I left the divorce papers. They're all signed from my side. When you sign them, call my mother and she will pick them up. Please don't try to contact me or tell Seven to locate me… it won't be possible. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'm sorry I didn't have what it takes to be with you. I'm sorry I never gave you a family like you always wanted. I'm sure someone better awaits for you.

Someone that isn't me.

Please take good care of yourself.

P.S. Please take good care of Elizabeth the 3rd, she seems to miss you a lot.

Signed,

MC

I'm not going to cry and say I don't deserve this,

Because it's probably that I deserve this

but I don't want it

so that's why I leave

What a shame but goodbye

I say goodbye to you and I leave

What a shame but goodbye

I say goodbye to you

I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest as I leave the note next to the divorce papers. This wasn't going to be easy. But I need to leave.

To get away.

I pick up my luggage. I leave almost all my clothing, the one Jumin had bought me. I take the one I came into this home with. Mostly consisting of sweaters, leggings, t-shirts, underwear and such.

I inhale deeply as I pet Elizabeth the 3rd. A couple of tears escape.

“I'm sorry… that I'm leaving. If there was a way I could keep you, I would. I know how lonely you'll be here. Same as me… but even worse. You won't have me as company anymore.” Elizabeth purrs and rubs her head on my leg. I exhale.

I leave food and water for her.

A temptation comes from going in my phone. I sigh and log in the RFA chat.

Yoosung, Seven and Zen were in.

MC has entered the chat room.

Yoosung☆: MC! Hi hi hi!

707: MC!!!

707 : SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!! ☆☆

707 : TELL ZEN HERE THAT CATS ARE THE BEST PLZ

ZEN: *annoyed emoji*

ZEN: There's no point in trying to convince me, I'm allergic lol

MC: hey guys

MC: leave Zen alone lmao he's allergic

ZEN: Finally someone with common sense!!

Yoosung☆: Hey MC you ok?? You haven't been missing your meals have you??

ZEN: Yeah, you have barely logged in this week

707: do u want me to come over?!?!?

707: Jumin is working late today right??? I can keep you company AND see Elly!!!

707: B☆O☆N☆U☆S☆!!

MC: lol I'm ok just tired

MC: and yeah he is working late as usual

MC: but don't worry I'm ok lol

Jumin Han has entered the chat room.

Jumin Han: Hello, MC. Are you and Elizabeth the 3rd doing alright?

MC : yeah.

Jumin Han: I'm glad.

707: ooooooooohhhh!!! Is our heir busy tonight?!?!?!

ZEN: *yet another annoyed emoji*

ZEN: That dude is always busy, I have a feeling MC is always alone;;

Yoosung☆: Yeah… me too.

Jumin Han: Nonsense. She understands I'm busy.

MC: …..

MC: I got to go. It was nice talking to you guys

MC : I love you all

707: awww!!

707 : *hearts emoji*

707: We love you back!!!!

Yoosung☆: have a good day MC! Don't skip meals!

ZEN: call if you need a friend, MC;;

Jumin Han: She has other people she can call other than you, Zen.

MC has left the chatroom.

You didn't realize you had been crying. That was your last chat with them.  

You wipe the tears away and leave the phone beside the letter and divorce papers before leaving the penthouse.

You get some looks from people inside the building, as you were carrying luggage.

Once inside Driver Kim’s car, you told him to drive you to the airport. He seemed worried for you.

You smiled at him. “I'm… okay.” He nods and continues driving. Once there, there was no going back.

“Next flight to… New York… leaving in 10 minutes.” that was your call to your new life.

That Night.

Jumin opened the door to his penthouse, noticing how quiet it was.

A sudden ‘meow’ startled him. It was only Elizabeth the 3rd rubbing against his leg.

By now, he would be hearing MC giggling at the TV show she usually watched. But… the house seemed quiet. Too quiet.

“MC?” He asked out loud. “I'm home.” he was met with more silence.

He checked every room until he got in the bedroom.

He saw a couple of papers on the bed and MC’s phone. He looked confused.

Once picking up the papers, his face went white.

“W...What…?” He said to himself.

‘Divorce Documentation’ read at the top.

This wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

He saw how every page was signed by MC.

He then noticed the paper next to those.

It was a letter from MC. He read it, and hasn't realized he was crying. It was not often he cried, but…

He physically felt his heart shatter.

He had driven his wife away from him.

Jumin then grabbed the phone she left behind, to tell him any clue as to where she had gone off to.

Jumin signed on her RFA account.

MC has joined the chat room.

Jaehee Kang: Hello, MC. How are you?

MC: ljkip

Jaehee Kang: MC?

MC has left the chat room.

Jumin couldn't believe this.

He called his chief of security, telling everyone to see or find out where she went.

He spent all night and all day the next day looking for her.

Jumin received a call from Driver Kim.

Jumin answered immediately. “Yes?? Do you know?” there was a pause. “airport?”

He hung up.

He went to his bed, no, -their- bed and cried. She was gone.

What a shame but goodbye

I say goodbye to you and I leave

What a shame but goodbye

I say goodbye….

And I leave.

☆☆☆EXTRA☆☆☆

His phone suddenly started ringing. It was V.

“Jumin… please go to the RFA chat room. Something has happened.” Jumin immediately logs in from his account.

Jumin Han has entered the chat room.

Yoosung☆: Did anyone get a weird package from MC??? I haven't opened it yet

707: …….

ZEN: yeah… I did too. Open it, Yoosung.

Jaehee Kang: So did I…

Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han…..

V: I don't know what to say. She sent me a tape.

Yoosung☆: a tape?? Why you?? I only got a letter T_T

Yoosung☆: oh nvm there's stuff here!!!

V: She was worried I wouldn't be able to read because of my eyesight.

Jumin Han: She gave me divorce papers.

ZEN: ?????!???????

ZEN: what???

Yoosung☆: omg …

707: she's leaving?????

Jumin Han: She already left… she hasn't been in the penthouse since yesterday, around the time she came in last time.

Jaehee Kang: Wait, Mr. Han. Are you sure? She came in last night and wrote random letters and left.

Jumin Han: That was me. I wanted to see with my own eyes that this was her phone and her app.

ZEN: Wait so she's gone?

ZEN: what the HELL did you do Jumin!!?

Jumin Han: …..

Jaehee Kang: Zen… please. Mr. Han must be having a hard time right now. He hasn't come into work all day today.

Yoosung☆: ….. We were supposed to go roller skating next week. How could she leave us like that?

V: She was having a hard time, Yoosung…

Jumin Han: it's all my fault. If I had been home more often to be there for her… I shouldn't have been mean to her.

ZEN: mean??? So you admit to treating her badly????

V: Not in the way you think, Hyun.

ZEN: Then?? What the hell is going on?;;

707: Jumin

Jumin Han: ?

707: I know where she went, but I'm gonna need time to locate her exact spot as she has no cellphone

Jumin Han: Where is she????

Jumin Han: TELL ME!

707: New York, USA

Yoosung☆: …..

ZEN: How did you find out so quickly??

707: She used Jumin’s account to pay for the ticket with card, but it shows she deposited the same amount of money later on on his account in cash

Jaehee Kang: I can only assume that she didn't want to owe Mr. Han any money…

V: Are you going after her, Jumin?

Yoosung☆: Obviously he is!!!!

ZEN: Yeah… He can't just leave her;;

707: idk

Jumin Han: No.

Yoosung☆: ???????

Jumin Han: She left for a reason. I can't change that. She's as stubborn as…

Jumin Han: point is… she doesn't want to be found.

Jumin Han: I'm signing the papers.

Jumin Han has left the chat room.

[rainparadefromhell]

i'll answer some random ones, i'm bored and i realized none of u know anything abt me lol

1. probably that i look mean and antisocial

6. god i would love to see as many places as possible but probably spain bc i studied spanish last year in college and was supposed to go there in high school but it got cancelled bc of covid

9. fall ! it used to be summer (idk what i was thinking, don't fuck w being sweaty all the time anymore) but i also looove winter and the beginning of spring. basically i love that time in between the seasons a lot

10. i don't think everyone should read these lol but my favs are the darkest minds and the simon snow series !

11. idontwannabeyouanymore (billie eilish) and waisting my young years (london grammar) are sick, they make me sick (there are more probably just can't think of any rn)

12. a very artistic person, they wanna be an animator, we both have the same dumb sense of humor, we get really attached to fictional characters, very supportive and trustworthy

15. mamma mia - idk it's just a great movie and i remember watching it when i was like 7 or 8 yo so it holds a lot of nostalgia for me

16. honestly this is probably something i need to work on but i'd die if someone didn't think i was one of the funniest ppl they know.... it's bad ik

22. LOL it was a 2009 hot pink nokia with a hello kitty sticker. fun fact my friend had the exact same phone so we needed that sticker to tell them apart

25. any pasta. i'm not joking it's a problem i could eat pasta every day of my life and i would. not. get. sick. of. it.

27. nhie s3.... idk what to tell u benjamin and devi just do something to my brain idk idk

28. i wanna have a pet racoon and a squirrel, i've always said this. have u seen their little faces and paws??

31. honestly any love confession that isn't done right (is overly lovey dovey) is automatically cringe to me. that's why i gravitate to ships like ben and devi bc they're a lot more subtle and don't make me want to wash my eyes with bleach.

33. idk if this is an oddity but i always cut all of my food into tiny pieces first thing before i start eating. i just hate having to cut things while i'm eating, it makes me angry lolol. i also feel this weird need to proof read everything a million times and rewrite stuff bc i think it looks ugly?? lol myb it's just writer's brain

35. hope u are doing bad ❤

36. don't say shit that you don't want to be said to you!! and this is something i hold onto even on social media. i keep my thoughts to myself if they're mean. ppl feel the need to comment on everythingg these days like damn what happened to inner monologue? have some decorum pls!

40. usually i lay down and try to watch a show/movie or talk to my friends... i'm bad w coping mechanisms, i use distractions too much which leads to maladaptive daydreaming sometimes... i'm the worst person to deal w stress i just can't do it. my brain then explodes and i get an anxiety attack :(

41. just finish college bc i am so done with school i don't want to do it anymore!!! i would love to attend language courses in the future bc i just LOVE languages and learning abt them. i'm actually studying english rn but i am pretty much fluent in it and have been almost all my life, studied spanish and can understand a lot of it but can't really speak it that well. i also studied german in school for 9 years but basically don't know it at all which is embarassing 💀 i would love to properly learn spanish and also myb french oh and i love norwegian !!

44. pretty good at the moment. i didn't really get along w my mom in high school tho (we are very different ppl)

45. i played the piano for 6 years (hated it lmfao). i taught myself to play guitar and ukulele from the internet and idk the harp has always been so beautiful to me but like those things are expensivee

46. in high school - nadine franklin and now idk honestly? i feel like i'm in a transitional period of my life. we'll see.

47. country - it just makes me laugh lol but lovee dolly parton

49. bella hadid 💀 i have nothing against her and she seems sweet but i just can't understand being so obsessed w someone when they're a model and their job is to just look good. like...okay ig?

50. meeting cool ppl that get me and talking abt fictional characters that i love. i love tumblr!

50 Q’s

1.) describe yourself through the eyes of a stranger? 2.) what is a quality you’d like to change about yourself? 3.) what is your worst potential fear for the future? 4.) which television series do you use as a form of escapism? 5.) share a secret about yourself? 6.) if you could choose any place in the world to visit, where would it be? why? 7.) what advice would you give your childhood self? 8.) describe how you envision your ideal life partner? 9.) what is your favorite environmental season? why? 10.) what’s one book you’d suggest every person should read? 11.) what is one song that’s able to bring you to tears? 12.) describe your best friend? 13.) what was the premise of your last dream? 14.) what’s your favorite warm beverage? 15.) name one musical album that greatly impacted your life? why? 16.) what’s your favorite form of flattery? 17.) what’s your favorite painting? and describe how it makes you feel? 18.) describe your personal style? 19.) what was the last concept that inspired you? 20.) who was your very first artistic inspiration? 21.) how long have you used tumblr for? how has your style changed over the years? 22.) what was your first cell phone? 23.) what is your favorite fruit flavor? 24.) whom would you resurrect from the afterlife? which 3 questions would you ask them? 25.) if you could choose only one meal to eat for the remainder of your life, which would you choose? 26.) which of the 7 deadly sins do you struggle with the most? and which the least? 27.) your latest obsession? and why? 28.) if you could domesticate any animal as your pet, which would you choose? 29.) what’s your least favorite smell? 30.) favorite mythological creature? and why? 31.) name a scene from a movie that makes you cringe? 32.) favorite piece of memorabilia you own? 33.) your personal favorite oddity about yourself? 34.) favorite concert/show you’ve attended? 35.) what’s one thing you would tell to the last person who betrayed you? 36.) your favorite mantra to live by? 37.) do you have any strange habits? 38.) what’s your favorite white-noise to fall asleep to? 39.) what is your favorite gemstone? why? 40.) how do you choose to cope when you’re upset? 41.) what are you currently trying to accomplish? 42.) what’s your favorite item you’ve purchased secondhand? 43.) describe your personality is only 3 words? 44.) how is your relationship with your parents? 45.) an instrument you aspire to learn how to play? 46.) relate yourself to one movie character? 47.) least favorite music genre? why? 48.) which animal would you be the most terrified to encounter? 49.) name a public figure you find to be overrated? why? 50.) what purpose do you get out of using tumblr?

[faveanimeships]

oooo hi!! can i requests for a matchup? i'm 5'7, straight, blue hair and a big smilee. i'm an INTJ, my sign is aquarius sun leo moon and gemini rising & i belong to ravenclaw. i talk a lot once u know me but some say i can be detached & unpredictable at times. i'm,,,, also weird,,, in a way that i say stuff weirdly without thinking. i hate it when people tell me what to do and i would always like to have my own way. i have a difficulty showing love thru words, shy when i like someone & i would-

stutter around my crush. love science ( major in chemistry) and also naps!! always exhausted but not at night. i like entertaining people with my jokes & i think rhat i have the best humor out here akdjajdjajdjs. my friends describe me as crazy, stupid and smart at the same time, stubborn, creative and a fun person to hang out with lol. i dont have a type i think i can handle anyone ( in the haikyuu world) except um… ushijima? because hes too serious sjjs idt he would laugh at my jokes.. -

thanks!!! i hope i made myself clear iejajdjwjj im sorry its too long u can take ur time :D!! thank uuuuu

if you’re interested in the astrology, personality types, Hogwarts house, please check out the rules!! I have included all the relevant links there

Girl we literally so alike istg also you so tall wat the hell is 170cm (sorry I had to convert TUT)

I ship you with Ennoshita Chikara !!

You’re stubborn, independent, you tend to shift between ‘ideal’ and ‘reality’, you’re creative, original, unpredictable, straightforward, you are determined and versatile. You want a smart boy, you need that intellectual stimulation, you probably look for an ‘equal’ when you’re looking for a relationship, you’re probably clueless when it comes to love and you probably want a reassuring companion who is willing to put up with your whims and keep up with you.

AND THUS, MY GOOD FREN, I ship you with Ennoshita! Ennoshita provides a very calming, assuring and reliable presence in the relationship, he acts as your ‘rock’ when you drift from reality into ideal mode. It is also canon that Ennoshita will probably end up being a director (genius director yeesh), he works in the artistic field where he is prone to encounter all types of weird and I assure you he will NOT be weirded out by you. I think he would appreciate a partner like you since he’s a director, he’s probably away for filming a lot (appreciates your independence), needs different inspirations (in which you are able to provide), and your ability to be original and creative will probably help build his career and push him further and explore different genres. On the other hand, Ennoshita will also help you push yourself further by giving you amazing advice and also be the shoulder to lean on when you’re stuck.

++Ennoshita does well in school and it is safe to assume that he understands most of your science jokes (eg: ARE YOU A CARBON SAMPLE BECAUSE I WANNA DATE U !!! him: yeesh stop) = number 1 intellectual couple #goals

NOT ONLY THAT he also really appreciates your straightforwardness, because he needs REAL opinions about his movie, and you know who doesn’t want to kiss the genius director’s ass and star in his movie?? Yes but you’re different you’d just say “I feel that part’s just weird like??? Wtf is going on” and he takes your opinion seriously = healthy relationship!! Also Ennoshita really loves the humorous side of you he uses your jokes sometimes to ease up the tense atmosphere on set !!! Also Ennoshita probably has an equally fked sleep cycle, so he’s always up at night with you and naps with you during the day uwu

HE TOTES KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR WEIRDNESS HAVE U SEEN KARASUNO LOLOLOLOL

Things he likes:

1.    10pm walks

2.    Subtle PDA

3.    Holding hands under the table during family reunions

4.    Face to face cuddling + yall talking about your day

5.    Mutual trust

6.    Individual time off, both of you probably need personal space, so yall would take time off to recharge yourselves individually

7.    Ice cream dates

8.    Napping when there’s a storm outside

9.    Domestic things like cleaning the house or grocery shopping

10. Making decisions together

11. Talking to your parents (lets be honest he’s like the perfect son in law)

I will also ship you with (under the cut)

Futakuchi Kenji

He’s stubborn, provocative and an idiot really, he knows how to rile you up, but at the same time he provides you with that intellectual stimulation??? Futakuchi isn’t a big fan of affection but he shows that he cares with his actions (eg: breakfast in bed) he probably denies a lot (like you know, he deliberately woke up at 6am to prepare a breakfast in bed feast for you but he’ll say it’s because he was already awake) excuses we know you’re in love UWU!!! He lowkey loves cuddling but he will NEVER admit it. He also fixes things around the house which is super convenient, your parents probably ask him to fix their stuff, leaky taps, old car, he does it all for free (brownie points) and when you ask him why he’ll probably say “its for practice”. He will tease you A LOT!!!!!!! Because both of yalls are stubborn yall probably will fight a lot at the start, but yall will learn how to compromise and communicate with each other (–=+) so like this also improves your human communication skills.

As an ace and captain from a powerhouse school, he’s bound to have exceptional observation skills. He knows when your off days are and he will stick around to pamper you, like run a bath, give you a hug, less snarky retorts, order uber eats, cuddle with you, etc. He also understands that you need your individual space so just talk to him about what you want, and he will definitely respect that. Overall, a very respectful relationship + fun bantering. Also because Futakuchi loves volleyball a lot he is very likely to join a social team after he graduates, and he would absolutely love it if you support him when he plays.

Akira Kunimi

He’s laid back, indifferent, emotionless, lazy, calm, efficient and smart. He has good observational skills. He knows when you’re down, and he’ll just move close to you. He dislikes loud people but he is a great listener, he might just chuckle at your jokes, but he appreciates them (in his bland life). He loves taking naps with you, and he lets you do most of the talking because he loves to listen to your voice (its defs NOT because it lulls him to sleep), he doesn’t really have a preference when it comes to things, so you’d be doing most of the decision making but unlike with Futakuchi, this relationship is really calm, almost no bickering. Kunimi respects you a lot and looks up to you because you’re diligent and opinionated (unlike him), but because of his love for efficiency and his lazy personality, he might just give you great advice (eg: how to write a simple but academically sound lab report withinin 2 hours instead of 2 days)  (A/N: YES THAT TOOK ME  DAYS TO COMPLETE ONE LAB REPORT PLZ DON’T JUDGE ME)

He’s also a big fan of cuddling and just playing with your hair, holding hands and staying indoors especially during winter. Overall it’s just a very calm and quiet relationship.

I would also ship you with Kuroo Tetsurou !!

- nerd couple 

- bIG NERD COUPLE

- WEIRD INSIDE JOKES !!!!???? SCIENCE PUNS!!!!

- #1 ACADEMIC COUPLE 

- dates: making weird experiments (eg: lets titrate acid and something weird together and calculate the equivalence point!!!!! u: its probably impossible him: TEST THE LIMITS OF SCIENCE), watching khan academy (nerd), talking shit about orgo, trying to create a weird element (sorry hunny not that easy), reading nature (and hoping yalls will be on it), cafe dates + buying apple pie for kenma

- kenma, kenma like your son (u: kenma plz brush your teeth kenma: k kuroo: plz be my wife)

- roasting his academic papers uWU (hahahahahaha) (OFFENDED VOICE: CONFLICT OF INTERESTTTT) (cues kuroo groaning) 

- fun couple, fun amusement park dates 

- not using gloves in the lab >:( (tbh its been a long time since i used gloves in the lab lolol) 

- cuddle bug (loves hugging you so much )

- LOVES PDA

- has normal sleep cycle but is always down for naps (lazy cat kuroo) 

- loves your weird (tbh all academics are weird) 

- roasting each other

YEET I HOPE YOU LIKE IT TUT feel free to send in more requests uwu!!!